Friday, July 16, 2010

I Sought Him.....

Psalm 34:4,5 says, "I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

As I read this verse, I am reminded of a day in 1998 where I sought God...I don't remember the day of the week, the time of day, or the calendar date, I just remember the year, the place, and the chaos churning in my heart on that day.

My mom was dead and a series of other events had driven me to despair and desperation.  I threw myself on the bed in our guest bedroom, face down, sobbing so loud and so hard that the sound was deafening and I shook.  I screamed for God to help me.....I sought Him....the storybook God I had heard about from childhood.  He heard me and He answered me.  In the midst of my sobs, my despair, my paralyzing grief....he heard me.  I began to feel a calmness and my sobs lessened to a quiet whimper and I felt hope for the first time in a long time.

I believe that like Saul in the Bible, as he traveled the road to Damascus (Acts 9:1-19), that scales fell from eyes that day (not literally of course)...For the first time ever, God was not the God of storybooks and for the first time ever, I understood Jesus' sacrifice for me to be real....He died for me.... a southern talking, simple girl....nobody to the world but everything thru Christ!

Lord, Let me always remember that day!


Barbara said...

I so love your honesty of heart. It is truly your greatest asset. I remember those years and similar times when God became REAL....when He became FATHER GOD......what a beautiful remembrance!

Barb said...

Oh precious, how sincere...thank you for allowing us inside the privacy of your guest bedroom to know the desperation you were experiencing and what God did for you that day. He is so unbelieveably good to us and when we seek Him, He DOES hear and answer. I love you Sue.