Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Battle (Lost), War (Won)
Today started out like any other day. I had alot on my plate and prayed for God to stretch my day this morning...Worked on cleaning the house for awhile, was clicking along, making a nice dent in my "to do's" BUT meanwhile there was a "battle" brewing in me. The "battle" has been brewing for weeks and I've known for weeks the potential for an eruption at any moment. I even wrote out scripture in preparation for this and plastered it on my fridge. I caught myself reciting this scripture this morning: "This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" (James 1:19). I do not consider myself a "quick to anger" type of gal, but I am "quick to speak" often without first hearing. Anyway, in a matter of minutes today and very few words, I did much damage as I set out to fight my own battle. You could say that I won the battle, if the intention was to hurt the other person with my words...but I knew the moment the words left my lips that I had indeed lost the battle because I hurt this person and by doing so I hurt God. The saddest thing about hurtful words is that you can't take them back. My sweet husband came home for lunch and I unfolded the events of the morning. I could see the disappointment in his face. One of the many things that I've always loved and admired about him is that he has the ability to speak truth in love. He doesn't mince words or sugar coat words in an effort to promote peace. He could see I was hurt and terribly broken over my mistake. He could see I felt unworthy. He knows me so well. He knows that feeling of unworthiness has the capacity to make me question any and everything I do for Christ. "Should I keep teaching Sunday School", "Should I continue volunteering at the pregnancy center" "Should I even attempt to offer Godly counsel to those that are hurting when with few words, I've hurt somebody". He knew all those questions were twirling in this "pea sized" brain of mine without me even saying so. He walked over to me, cradled me in his arms and lovingly said, "This is a battle, but it's not the war". He didn't say I was exempt from asking forgiveness from the one I had hurt but those few words were a reminder that we will fight and lose many battles on this earth. If we don't die to our self daily and live to please God, we have the capacity as humans to make a mess of things quickly....BUT ultimately God will win the WAR!