Who I am Instead...

40 Day Challenge....Day 11...."Put off" Jealousy/Envy, "Put on" Trust....

2011-03-29T21:09:00.000-04:00

Oh me, Oh my! It has been almost 2 weeks since I wrote last. I wish I could use the old adage, "Time flies when you're having fun"....but the past 2 weeks have not been what I would call "fun", blessed...yes...but not fun. My sweet sister-in-law, Barbara, was hospitalized last week with an esophageal bleed of unknown origin. She went from bad to worse but through God's grace, she is stable and may be going home tomorrow. For those of you that were praying for her, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Then last Tuesday, our son got sick with what we thought was strep throat. My hubby followed suit and I kept him comfortable in a room I quaranteened for them for a couple of days and then I decided to join them. We found out we all had Influenza "A". We are blessed because we could have had something so much worse. O.K. enough about me and them....let's get back on track.

I think everyone may struggle with jealousy or envy to some degree, but I would venture to say that it seems to be something that plaques women more. You know what is strange about jealousy? Often there is no truth to it. What we are jealous about has not merit. You know what is even stranger? The Bible tells us that when we are jealous or when we envy we are conceited. That's right "conceited". (Galatians 5:26). Guess what else the Bible says about envy (or jealousy...same difference)....when we are jealous we are also boastful and proud (A.K.A. PRIDEFUL) (See 1 Corin 13:4).

Now for the "put on".....trust. The best way to overcome jealousy or envy is to trust. The first few years I was married to my sweet husband were not so sweet for him. I would accuse and turn into a "green eyed monster" if a woman even so much as looked at him. I knew my reason was not valid. The bottom line was that I was insecure and needed to feel better about myself (there is that PRIDE thing again). I will never forget my husband looking at me one day. Exhausted he said, "if you can't trust me, you don't need me". So many people think they demonstrate love by placing their loved one on a pedestal. This is what true love is: "It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres". Need I say more?

40 Day Challenge - Day 10 - "Put off" Complaining", "Put On" Praise

2011-03-16T08:02:00.000-04:00

So? How has the challenge been going for you thus far? I have to tell you that I have probably fought more obstacles since I started this "40 Day Challenge" post, than I have in awhile. Granted my obstacles are nothing too big or cumbersome as many of you may be facing. My biggest obstacle at present is lack of time and not using the time I do have wisely. With this new time change, I will think it is just 8 p.m. and will look at the clock and it's 10 p.m. instead....then I stuggle to get out of bed in the morning....thank God for a husband that brings my coffee to my bedside! O.K., so enough rambling about nothing.....

Probably the people that know me best are my family and my co-workers....I would love to say that I am not a complainer but if I had to put a dollar in a jar for every time I complain throughout my day, I could probably eat at Ruth Chris Steak House by the end of the week. This should not be so....it is expected of an unbeliever to complain but a believer....we have every reason to praise God! No, we are not immune to trials and circumstances but we have a hope that is beyond anything this old world can offer. Also, all we need do is look at the person next to us and we can almost always find someone with more strife than we have.

So here is the remedy the next time you (or I) are tempted to complain....turn your complaint to praise....I've sited some of my own personal examples below:

I have no will power to lose weight.............Praise God I have an appetite! (Especially when I think of a young boy named Hayden that doesn't have an appetite or is afraid to eat for fear of nausea)

I wish I had more time to do what I want to do.....Praise God I have a job and am able to do what I do (it's not about me, it's about Him....that is so hard to grasp at times).

I wish I had the resources to redo my floors.....Praise God I have floors, and A/C, and heat, and running water, and light, etc....)....to the Hondurans my home would be a mansion.....

The list could go on and on but I'll stop here because I am sure you get the gest of it....

So....today's scripture reading is:
     Phillipians 2:14
    Hebrews 13:15

                   Go forth and flesh it out!

40 Day Challenge - Day 8 - "Put off" Discontentment, "Put on" Contentment...

2011-03-11T08:01:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday to you!

Just when you think no one is reading your blog, you run into someone in the store that says, "How come you didn't write today". I'll admit, I've been a slacker this week. Let me hit you with the best excuse I can muster....a strange phenomenon has taken place in the Comb's household since I began to work full time. I can't stay asleep and my husband can't stay awake. In an effort to sync with his sleep patterns, I began taken a natural remedy called Melatonin and now, I can't curb my desire to hit the snooze numerous times in the morning. (How is that for an excuse?)

So? You caught me, I skipped a day. It's the weekend and I'm going to end on a sour note. Today's post involves "Putting Off" Discontentment and "Putting On" Contentment. Have you ever found yourself with all your basic needs met and the majority of your wants met, yet you are not satisfied? I have....it's a spirit of discontentment and as a child of God, it's a most miserable place to be.

I am not sure where contentment ends and discontentment begins but I believe in the world in which we live, it's not difficult to cross from one to the other without even realizing what has happened. In America we are so accustomed to instant gratification that we struggle when our "wants" are not met. This is where we need to revert back to the previous day's post and remember what we do and don't deserve and be grateful for what God has given us. Discontentment, if left unchecked, can become like a disease that invades every part of our being.

Where are you? Are you content with what you have or are you constantly in that spirit of discontentment.

The scripture focus for today is: Hebrews 13:5 and 1Timothy 6:8.....

Have a great weekend....see you on Monday....

40 Day Challenge - Day 8 "Put off" ungratefulness, "Put on" gratefulness...

2011-03-09T21:54:00.000-05:00

Try this exercise: Write down everything and anything you can think of that you are grateful for....you might be surprised at how much God has blessed you with. The biggest cure for ungratefulness is to look at what you have to be grateful for....

Scriptures for today are: Rom. 1:21 and Eph. 5:20

If you can't think of anything to be thankful for, try the fact that you are living and breathing and that God offered His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, as a sacrifice for your sins....that is far better than we deserve!

40 Day Challenge - Day 7, "Put off" Impatience, "Put on" Perseverance

2011-03-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

As I wrote the title to this post, I chuckled to myself. I grew impatient just writing it as I considered all the items on my "to do" list for today.

I am going to jump right into today's scripture because I think this will explain the importance of this "put on-put off".

James 1:2-4 says, "Count it all joy my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Hebrews 10:36 says, "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what is promised."

How many of us ask God for trials? I certainly don't...but I can tell you that in my christian walk as I have encountered trials that is when I've grown most. I can think of many that are dear to me right now that are walking through the fire as they encounter heartaches and trials in this world. Beth Moore, christian author and speaker/teacher, said in her study on the book of "Daniel" that God poses three scenarios for how we could be delivered during trials:

Delivered from the fire - This is where faith is built....(the suspicious lump in your breast that upon further examination by the physician is benign).
Delivered through the fire - This is where faith is refined....(the suspicious lump in your breast that is cancer, but is treatable, and you are cancer free several years later).
Delivered by the fire - This is where faith is perfected.... (The suspicious lump in your breast that is cancer and is incurable and you go on to be with the Lord).

(If you haven't done this study by Beth Moore, I encourage you to check it out....I will always remember these three points).

40 Day Challenge - Day "6" - "Put off" disobedience, "Put on" obedience

2011-03-07T20:26:00.000-05:00

Let me apologize now for the "lateness" of this post. My intention is to do most of my posts over this 40 day challenge in the mornings when my mind is fresh and when I've devoted time to studying God's Word and discerning what He would want me to write. Unfortunately, the snooze button won out this morning (I must say I'm a little disappointed with "modern day" snooze buttons, they only give you a 5 minute delay - not the customary 9 minutes). Anyway, here I am at the end of the day...with my mind spent from hours in front of a computer at work....and well, this post will be brief. The "put off" for today is disobedience and the "put on" is obedience. This is self explanatory....my pastor always says, "Blessings follow obedience"....God longs for our obedience. The blessings that will follow our obedience are not the blessings falsely portrayed by the "properity preachers" seen on television. The blessings we will inherit from God will be much more important than any material wealth or success....it will be the blessing of standing before an Almighty God and hearing Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant". I think the majority of us see disobedience as a severe insult against God and not the more subtle forms of disobedience....we are disobedient when we neglect to do anything, no matter how great or how small, that we know the Lord has placed upon our heart to do.

O.K., so I am closing for tonight....the scripture references for today are 1 Sam. 12:15 and Deut 11:27....

Questions to ponder: Are there any areas of my life in which I am being disobedient to God?

Now, go forth and "flesh it out".....

40 Day Challenge....Day 5, "Put off" pride, "Put on" Humility

2011-03-04T07:27:00.000-05:00

Scripture reading for today: Proverbs 16:5, James 4:6

I will attempt to make this post brief....I'm tired, it's been a crazy week but much has been accomplished. In honor of spending time with my man, I am not going to post over the weekend. I wish I could say that I've mastered all the "put on's" so far this week, but I'm still working on the "put off's". I've struggled on several days....so much so that I've questioned why I'm even blogging about the "put on's" - then I'm reminded that I am a flawed being with hope and I am a continous work that won't be completed this side of heaven. The "Put on-Put off" for today speaks for itself. I used to "pride" myself in not being "prideful" (I know....that statement alone is full of pride). I thought because I never complained or didn't boast, that I was humble. My view of this changed when I heard Christian author/speaker Beth Moore say, "Pride is not just thinking too highly of yourself, but also thinking too lowly of yourself". I have dealt with insecurities most of my life, many of them self-imposed...I have thrown huge pity party's and wallowed in things not going as planned. The focus (or over focus) was on me! (There goes that "self" thing again). Not sure if anyone else can relate to this....if not, I covet your prayers....

So? How can we be humble today? Let's "flesh it out".....

40 Day Challenge, Day 4 "Put off" selfishness, "Put on" self denial....

2011-03-03T07:40:00.000-05:00

Wow! I started dreading this challenge the minute I layed eyes on it! This has been a real struggle for me over the years, not in a monetary sense but when it comes to my time. Anyone that constantly addresses "me", "my" and "I" in their conversation is usually caught up in self. We exist in a very selfish society. It's all about my desires, my happiness, my rights, my feelings....the list is endless! There are numerous self help books (both Christian and secular) that tell us that we need to love ourselves more. I beg to differ....we already love ourselves too much! Just look at the checkout lines in the grocery store and you will see numerous magazines that cater to me, me, me....there is even one called "Self". Phil 2:21 makes it clear that when we seek our own interest we are not seeking what interest Christ. I can think of numerous self seeking motives that wouldn't be centered on Christ. On the extreme side:

my rights - abortion, gay marriage,
my desires - adultery, pornography

On the less extreme side:

my rights - to be right, cheat on taxes
my desires - success, popularity, idols (this includes a whole gamut of things that we cling to.

Whether we are bent towards the extreme or less extreme, they are equal when it comes to a self focus.
John 12:24 gives us the remedy for this in the form of an analogy....before we can produce fruit, we must die to self. We must put off our desires and think about what Christ desires in and of us. Personally speaking, I know that God would rather I spend time with my spouse then time worrying over mundane items on my "to do" list. He would rather I spend time with someone in need of a listener then to spend time on the computer or watching TV. He would rather I spend time in His Word and prayer then time worrying about whether every hair is in place (this is really not an issue for me....it's my husband that obsesses over his hair but don't tell him I said so.)
Okay, so you get the point so far....So? In what ways can you (and me, me, me) die to self today?

You know what I'm going to say next: Go forth and flesh it out!

40 Day Challenge - Day 3 "Put off" Bitterness, "Put on" Compassionate/Forgiving"

2011-03-02T07:15:00.000-05:00

I have a strong hunch that this will not be the only time that we encounter the issue of forgiveness throughout the next 37 days (3 days down). That said, I'll just get to the point....
   Is there anyone you harbor a grudge against? If so, beware! That seemingly small little grudge could be the prelude to bitterness. Read Hebrews 12:15, strong words! Translation: If you allow bitterness, it will cause trouble, it will make you filthy and dirty and you will not obtain the grace of God.
So, how does one become bitter? If you've been keeping a tally of all who have wronged you and you have not forgiven them, you are on the road to bitterness. Eventually you could be that person that appears to have been baptized in pickle juice.
The remedy or prevention for bitterness (depending on how far advanced it is) is to simply forgive. Ephesians 4:32 tells us why we need to forgive...because God forgave us (and we certainly didn't deserve it.)
So, I've already told you the two scriptures for today....
         The "put off" is bitterness and the "put on" is compassionate/forgiving....

       Now....you know what I'm going to say next.....Go forth and "flesh it out"!

40 Day Challenge - Day 2 ("Judging" versus "Let God Search Your Heart"

2011-03-01T06:11:00.000-05:00

John 8:9 says, "But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing beside Him."

Well just in case this is not familiar to you, let me recap it:

The Pharisees (who were caught up in religious law and teaching) have found an adulteress woman, perhaps caught in the very act. I picture them grabbing her from both arms and hurling profanity and insults at her as they preach to her about her sins. They bring her to Jesus and thrust her at His feet. The Pharisees were not fair - you see. They always had a motive. Often the motive was to somehow make Jesus look less like Jesus and thereby make themselves look better (have you ever heard of such?)
Jesus pretends not to notice when they enter the room, he actually looks down and writes in the sand. Then He stands up and says, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." Guess what happening next? They begin to exit one by one, first the older ones exited, then the younger (possibly the older ones had sinned more because they had more years in which to do so).
Well, the end of the story...Jesus looks at the woman and tells her "Go and sin no more". He didn't minimize or disregard her sin and he didn't enable her because of her sin. He spoke truth in love to her and made her accountable by acknowledging her sin.
We can be so like the Pharisees, caught up in rules and religious teachings, keeping tabs on who has wronged us (thereby keeping ourselves enslaved). I remember reading a book by Stormie O'Martian titled, "The Power of the Praying Wife". I picked up the book and thought, "I am going to pray my man into helping in the house and being romantic". HA! The joke was on me! In the intro of the book, the author said that instead of seeking to change your husband, you must first ask God to change you.
I will go ahead and warn you, asking and letting God search your heart are two different things. It is very easy to ask God to search your heart, but it can sometimes be painful to let Him do so.
In case I lost you in the babble, the "Put off" for today is "judging", the "Put on" is "Let God search your heart". The scripture readings are: Matt 7:1-2 , John 8:9....
\
Hope you have a beautiful day....now go forth and "flesh this out"....

40 Day Challenge-Day 1 follow up (To love or not to love...)

2011-02-28T18:02:00.000-05:00

Try to contain yourself and don't expect this often....can you believe I am posting twice in 1 day?
So? How did you do on Day 1? Did you love well? A better question might be, "Did you love at all?"

I was halfway through my day before I thought, "How have I shown love today?" It was not hard for me to love because the people I work with are lovable ( not to mention that I was too busy to love). Then a thought hit me, "What about my family, how can I show them love?" We all know that they are often the last to receive our love and attention at the end of the day and the ones that know us best, so therefore, they are more apt to see us at our most unlovable.

The answer was clear, "Close your mouth, open your ears, end the day knowing more about their day then they know about yours, take out the garbage for your hubby, scratch his head (if he ask....praying he doesn't....why is this so burdensome to me?) This task has been easy so far because he hasn't come home from work yet.

So, if you feel like you've failed at loving so far today, remember the day's not over yet. Who in your home is yearning to be loved? If you live alone, I can tell you, you are still unexcused from loving because God is yearning for your love.

Tomorrow we will delve into "Judging" versus "Letting God search your heart".....

Goodnight....(I can't wait to hear from you!)

40 Day Challenge - Day 1..."Put off" lack of love..."Put on" love

2011-02-28T05:30:00.005-05:00

So, as the title of this post says....today's challenge involves "putting off" a lack of love and "putting on" love. I used to think this wasn't a problem for me and I prided myself (my first mistake) in the fact that there wasn't anyone I didn't love. That was easy words to say because I was immersed among the lovable. But.....what about those that aren't lovable? I'll bet your mind immediately went to the pedophile in your neighborhood or the homeless man that stands at the Walmart exit. However, that's not who I'm talking about. I am talking about the daily personal encounters: the boss that ridicules you in a crowd because you wouldn't even take a sip of the wine at the work social, the condescending co-worker, the rebellious child, the ungrateful spouse, the guy that broke your daughter's heart, the neighbor who complained because your dog was barking....the list is endless! I'm sure you could add a stream of unlovable people to the list.
Well, guess what? God doesn't excuse us from loving them just because they've hurt or offended us in some way. We are to love because He first loved us. We were so undeserving of His love and He loves us anyway. I can't quite wrap my measly little mind around this, can you?
    Here are the scriptures that go with today's challenge:

1 John 4:7-8, 20
   John 15:12

I didn't write them out because I wanted you to see them with your own eyes and let the Holy Spirit guide you in how to apply them.

If you want to know what this challenge is about, go to my previous post, "40 Day Challenge - Intro".

Remember the dirty pantry we discussed in the previous blog, well here is mine:

I dare you to post a picture of your own (the junkier the better, it's an analogy).....who knows we might be inspired to literally clean out our pantry in the next 40 days.

Today's challenge: Love the unlovable.....
Now, flesh it out!

(Comments welcome on how you applied this today).

40 Day Challenge - Introduction (The Dirty Pantry)....

2011-02-27T14:07:00.000-05:00

I recently received my copy of "Revive" magazine from Life Action Ministries. At the end of the magazine there is a personal worksheet called, "40 Days of Change". I immediately felt I should make this my own personal challenge. As I write this I pray the Lord will give me strength to carry through and commit to this for 40 days. This is how the challenge works: Each day we are encouraged to "put off" ways, attitudes and desires that are not consistent and obedient to God's teaching. This is taken directly from Ephesians 4:22-24. Think of it as cleaning out your pantry and getting rid of any junk food. Getting rid of the junk food is not enough because after awhile of staring at an empty pantry, you will long to fill it (and your belly) with some food. You may slowly slip back into putting junk into your pantry (less guilt) or you may rapidly do so to "get it over with". You now have two choices: 1) Replenish the cabinet with junk food that will leave you feeling worse, disease you, and never satisfy OR 2) Replenish the pantry with wholesome food that will fill you, satisfy you, and make you healthy. (Are you with me so far?) This is where the "putting on" comes in. The wholesome food could best be compared to fruit of the Spirit. Enter another concept from the same early stated body of scripture...."renewing the mind". At first replacing the junk food with wholesome food won't be easy. Junk food is cheap and quick to attain and makes you feel good initially. Wholesome food is costly and hard to grasp as your body rids itself of the "junk". Your mind will tell you, "Go for the junk". Your body is crying, "NO, Go for the wholesome food!". The Bible tells us to "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ". The war always begins in the mind (ongoing) but the battle was won on the Cross (past, present, and future).
....Enough said, I knew this would become longwinded. If you would like to join me in "cleaning out the pantry" (this is the "putting off" process), read on....if not, I ask for your prayers and support. To those joining in "pantry cleaning", read the steps below suggested by Life Action Ministry:

Each day we will have a "put off" and a "put on" with suggested scripture reading.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what needs to be "put off" and confess your sin to God.
Write on an index card one or more practical ways you could "put on" obedience in this area.
Take the card with you and review it throughout the day.

If you have committed to this challenge, I would love to hear from you as we "clean" together...this way I can pray for you and we can hold one another accountable. Also, pray for me, that I can be diligent in this posting for the next 40 days...

Alright, ready.....set......go!

Our first challenge begins tomorrow and I'll give you a hint, it has to do with love.

The Faithful One

2010-12-31T12:49:00.001-05:00

There are two things I love to do when driving, think and sing! I have one of those voices that no one wants to hear in song, so in the privacy of my car is the opportunity to belt out tunes and pretend that I sound like Summer Johnson (a beautiful young woman in our church that sings). This morning as I was driving to weight watchers (that is another post entirely), I was reflecting on the previous year. I was thinking about my "unchangeable" God. In a world that changes every day, He remains the same and He remains faithful. While I was pondering on this, the song, "Faithful One" came on by Selah!

Let these words sink into the depths of your soul as you read them. I pray this speaks to you as it did to me this morning:

"Faithful One"

I find no hope within to call my own,

For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone,

But deep within my soul is rising up a song,

Here in the comfort of, the Faithful One!

I walk a narrow road through valleys deep

In search of higher ground on mountains steep,

And though with feet unsure I keep on pressing on,

For I am guided by the Faithful One.

Faithful, Faithful to the end,

my true and precious friend

You have been Faithful, so Faithful to me!

I see your wounded hands, I touch your side,

With thorns upon your brow you bled and died,

But there's an empty tomb, a love for all to come

And give their hearts to You, the Faithful One.

Faithful, Faithful to the end,

my true and precious friend

You have been Faithful, so Faithful to me!

And when the day is dawned and when the race is run,

I will bow down before God's only Son,

And I will lift my hands, in praise for all You've done,

And I will worship You, my Faithful One.

You can listen to the song here!

Revival in me.....

2010-11-30T20:04:00.000-05:00

It has been almost 4 months since I posted last. Tonight as I sat here catching up on emails, I saw the link to my blog and couldn't quite pinpoint why I haven't written in so long. But tonight as I sit here, I am motivated to write about the most recent revival that took place in our church. The team that came to our church was Life Action Ministry. Our church was told months in advance that the team would come to our church for a two week revival. I immediately started thinking of all the reasons that I wouldn't be able to attend a revival for two weeks. I secretly planned my "hit & miss" attendance. Our church was also told that there would be needs during the revival such as housing team members, food preparation, and loaner vehicles. Again, I began to justify in my mind all the reasons I would not be able to do any of these things. Men of all ages began to meet in our church every Sunday morning to pray over revival. Then one week before the team was to arrive, my husband, son, and I drove home from church and made the decision to house team members and loan a vehicle. It was not a decision made lightly, but something we knew that God was calling us to do. I do not share this to boast, but simply to say that it felt good to be obedient. Our temporary children arrived (Blake & Chris), two enthusiastic college aged guys that radiated their love for God and people. The first few days of attending revival, I knew that I would be there every chance I got. One thing I know, Satan "the punk" that he is, loathes our obedience to God. We had a few setbacks during revival. I was blessed to start a full time job during the middle of revival, my mother-in-law was hospitalized with a blood clot, my husband was hospitalized with a blood clot, and my son was seen in the emergency room with a low heart rate.....still we hungered to return to revival each night. Each night as I attended, I realized that this revival was about me & God. It wasn't about the person that has wronged me in some way. It wasn't about dragging everyone I could to church. It was getting up close and personal with an Almighty God. I am thankful for what God did during this time and praying daily for revival to be continual in me and those around me that were touched in some way. I am committed to praying for this team and our new friends, Blake & Chris.

Because of His kindness, I'll eat at His table.....

2010-08-14T11:04:00.000-04:00

I am ecstatic! Tomorrow we are doing a Sunday School lesson on demonstrating kindness. The lesson centers around one of many favorites for me in the Bible. It is from 2 Samuel Chapter 9. The focal person in this chapter is a man by the name of Mephibosheth (mef-ib-'osh-eth) . His name means "destroying shame". Let me tell you a little background on Mephibosheth.

He was the grandson of King Saul (who hated and tried to kill King David). He is the son of Jonathon (who was David's best friend). When he was 5 years old his nurse took him to escape possible death. In her haste she dropped him and he became crippled in both feet. From that time on, he was a nobody. No one paid him any attention. As a matter of fact, once his father and grandfather died, his servant Ziba (who turns out to be very wicked), took him to a remote place so as to "protect him" from future harm. Ziba thought King David would never look for Mephibosheth in this place, but then he didn't know how strong David's covenant with his best friend Jonathon was (he had promised Jonathon he would take care of his family).

Now we open in chapter 9 of 2 Samuel. David inquires of Ziba (verse 1), "Is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan's sake?"....Ziba, as an afterthought tells him about Jonathan's son and then adds, "he is crippled in both his feet". Almost as if to say, "Well, there is this one but....you don't want him, he is damaged goods, not worthy of kindness". The rest is history. David did want him. He lavished on him an inheritance that Mephibosheth felt unworthy to receive. He had been told all his life that he was a nobody, that he wasn't loved and couldn't be loved. Now, the King, is giving him the land, the servants and a place at the King's table forever!

Can you see where I'm going with this? If you are a believer in Christ (you have a relationship with Him, you talk the talk and walk the walk, He is Lord of your life), you have a place at the King's table. You will eat with Him for the rest of your days! You have an inheritance in heaven that you are unworthy of and cannot fathom. At your lowest moment, just when you think you are most unlovable....you can enter the King's presence and humble yourself and He will bestow on you His riches (not yours).....

2 Samuel 9:13 closes with, "....he ate always at the king's table. Now he was lame in both his feet." I believe it ended with the account of his deformity because this is us. We are still capable of sin, we still have our heartaches, our trials, our deformities....but if we are His, we can always eat at His table! Praise God! (I am jumping up and down right now).

But God!

2010-08-09T11:21:00.000-04:00

The church devotional this morning challenged me to think of all the plans I've had for my life through the years....BUT God had different plans and I praise Him for it!

The word "But" can very often have a negative connotation. For instance: In 1991 when my husband had a near fatal car accident, I waited for word of his condition for nearly 4 hours. A young chrisitian physician came to the waiting area and asked me to accompany him to the chapel. Tommy, a long time friend of my husband's, and I walked to the chapel. I will never forget that day. The physician detailed a list of problems encountered from the car accident, "A broken femur, a torn diaphram, 5 cracked ribs, a punctured lung...". His words trailed off and I remember thinking in my mind...."Good, good....these are all 'fixable' things and he'll live". Before I could finish my train of thought, the young physician uttered that dreaded three letter word, "But". My breath caught in my throat as he finished his sentence, "He has had a severe blow to the pancreas, enzymes are being secreted and he won't live 48 hours." Those of you that know us, know a miracle took place and my husband is alive and well today.

Today, I'm challenged to look at the word "But" in a positive light:

- In my selfishness, I yearned to be an only child....BUT God....knew that I would need my siblings, that they would be my comfort and friends during the tough times.
- I yearned to marry my first love....BUT God....could see what I couldn't see and brought the love of my life to me during a time when I felt alone and isolated.
- I wanted my mother to live to see my grandchildren....BUT God....knew that only through a combination of trials and tribulation would I come to know Him.
- I wanted my children to marry various people through the years, people that I thought were best for them....BUT God knew the perfect man for my daughter and He already knows who that perfect girl will be for my son.
- I wanted to work 5 days a week in a very non-physical job....BUT God....knew where I needed to be and that my present job could be my best mission field ever!

You can find "But God" all throughout scripture but here is one of my favorites:

Ephesians 2:4,5: "But God, who is abundant in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. By grace you are saved!"

I challenge you today to think of the "But God...." incidences in your own life and see what God has done and is doing for you.

Near in mouth, far from heart....

2010-07-26T08:51:00.000-04:00

Jeremiah 12:2b says: "You are near in their mouth and far from their heart."

This was me prior to a relationship with Jesus Christ. I could certainly talk a good game. If anyone asked if I was a christian, I would have said "yes". I could recite the books of the Bible in order, I could say the Lord's prayer, I knew all the "don'ts" in the Bible (i.e., DON'T: have sex, get drunk, lie, steal, covet, murder, etc), I knew John 3:16 by heart. Yep! I could talk a good game. Jesus was near in my mouth but very far from my heart. The next scripture in this chapter (verse 3) says, "BUT, You O Lord, know me; you see me and test my heart toward you". It says that He (God) knows me....not that He "knew" me. This speaks volumes to me. This means that at times I am still this person that can have Him "near in mouth, but far from heart". This tells me that I have to actively seek and work with the strength that He gives me to not be this person. I am capable of talking a good game but their are no games with God. He means what he says and says what He means. The fact that He "knows" me also tells me that although He has seen my sin nature, He didn't give up on me! Thank you Lord for Your love, your grace, and your mercy toward me!

Is this your greatest day ever?

2010-07-22T09:17:00.000-04:00

Presently, I'm reading a book that I had read years ago and found again recently. It seems to be perfect for this season of my life. The book is titled, "Who holds the Key to your Heart" by Lysa Terkeurst. Throughout the book, Lysa describes different ways that Satan attempts to defeat us and how Christ counteracts each of Satan's attacks and brings victory. The chapter I read this morning is titled, "Discontentment is Satan's Distraction; Patience is God's reply". Throughout the book the author poses a question and encourages the reader to journal. So here was today's journal question:

"Is this your greatest day ever?"

Let that question sink in....I mean really ponder it. At first I didn't get it....then as I read the remainder of the chapter, it hit me. Read on and you'll see what I mean:

If you had no children and then suddenly today you were blessed with toys to organize, bedtime stories to tell, and little messy hands to wipe, wouldn't it be your greatest day ever?

If you were paralyzed and then today you suddenly could climb the stairs, run after a toddler, jump up and down cheering for your teen, wouldn't it be your greatest day ever?

If you had no husband, and then today God gave you a man to do laundry for, help fold his collar over his tie, cook his favorite meal, and wrap your arms around as you fell asleep, wouldn't this be your greatest day ever?

If you had no home, then suddenly you were blessed with dishes to wash, beds to make, weeds to pull, and floors to sweep, wouldn't this be your greatest day ever?

If you had no friends and then today you had one who wanted your advice, another who wanted to come over and visit, and another who just wanted to share a funny story with you, wouldn't this be your greatest day ever?

If you had no sight, then suddenly today you were blessed with a blue sky to gaze up at, a child's smile to catch a glimpse of, and a beautiful flower to admire, wouldn't this be your greatest day ever?

If you had no Savior, then suddenly today you learned of the One who died in your place so that you could be forgiven, healed, and set free, wouldn't this be your greatest day ever?

Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day the Lord has made;let us rejoice and be glad in it".

Lord, I just praise you! This is the greatest day ever! I have my health, I have a home (with A/C!), I have healthy children and a husband that loves me despite my many flaws. I had a godly mother and grandmother, I have a job to go to, a car to drive, a church family, pastor's that preach truth, siblings that I love, food on the table, clothes on my back....but most of all God, I have the mercy and grace that you bestowed on me when you gave your Son to die on the cross for my sins....thank you for taking me out of the darkness and bringing me into your marvelous light. In Christ's name I pray, Amen!

I Sought Him.....

2010-07-16T10:37:00.000-04:00

Psalm 34:4,5 says, "I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed."

As I read this verse, I am reminded of a day in 1998 where I sought God...I don't remember the day of the week, the time of day, or the calendar date, I just remember the year, the place, and the chaos churning in my heart on that day.

My mom was dead and a series of other events had driven me to despair and desperation. I threw myself on the bed in our guest bedroom, face down, sobbing so loud and so hard that the sound was deafening and I shook. I screamed for God to help me.....I sought Him....the storybook God I had heard about from childhood. He heard me and He answered me. In the midst of my sobs, my despair, my paralyzing grief....he heard me. I began to feel a calmness and my sobs lessened to a quiet whimper and I felt hope for the first time in a long time.

I believe that like Saul in the Bible, as he traveled the road to Damascus (Acts 9:1-19), that scales fell from eyes that day (not literally of course)...For the first time ever, God was not the God of storybooks and for the first time ever, I understood Jesus' sacrifice for me to be real....He died for me.... a southern talking, simple girl....nobody to the world but everything thru Christ!

Lord, Let me always remember that day!

So Called Love....

2010-07-05T18:53:00.000-04:00

Me, getting ready to ride the "push push"

The little critter in this pic is me....when I was born, I had an older brother (late teens) that adored me. My mother and father divorced when I was 4 years old, so my brother, Buddy, instantly became my father figure. This was how he would dress me before we rode his motorcycle so that the wind would not get in my ears and cause an earache. Yes, that would be a baby diaper on my head (a clean one though) and his cowboy hat. Like I said at the beginning of this post....he adored me and I thought he was the greatest man I ever knew....BUT....as much as he loved me (he is now deceased), my heavenly father loves me more. We are incapable of loving like our heavenly Father loves....we are incapable of loving unselfishly period, without the Holy Spirit indwelling us (and then it's a struggle, but possible). Recently "Mercy Me" came out with a new CD called "The Generous Mr. Lovewell".....The words to one of there songs, "So Called Love" speaks volumes:

I can be there for you when it can't get much harder...
I can cover your head when life starts to rain....
I can hold on tight when it feels like you're falling....
I can breadcrumb the path when you've lost your way.....
I can make you laugh when the whole world is crying....
I can build you up when you're broken and chained....
BUT....if all that I do is absent of Jesus,
then this so called "love"....
is completely in vain.....

Learning to lean.....

2010-07-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

It occurred to me as I looked at my blog today that I haven't blogged since March. Why? I guess because I really haven't had anything to say. My sweet husband and I are finding ourselves in a weird season of life right now....one child grown and married, another child grown and finishing college....no grandchildren yet....Sometimes it feels like we are in a season of "waiting"....waiting to be needed by someone. Also....waiting for God....we both have ministries tugging at our hearts that we want to be a part of....but we are waiting on God's timing. We've experienced some heartaches over the past few months....watching people we love experience their own hurt and heartaches. I was sitting and pondering today (I seem to do that alot lately) and the words to an old hymn popped in my mind. I am learning more everyday just how small I am and just how big God is....and I am learning more everyday to lean on the One that is all knowing.

Learning to lean
Learning to lean,
I'm learning to lean on Jesus
Finding more power than I've ever dreamed
I'm learning to lean on Jesus.
(repeat)

Sad broken hearted, at an alter I knelt
I found peace that was so serene
And all that He asks is a child like trust
And a heart that is learning to lean

Learning to lean
Learning to lean,
I'm learning to lean on Jesus
Finding more power than I've ever dreamed
I'm learning to lean on Jesus.
(repeat)

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed
I'm learning to lean on Jesus.
I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Meet the NOGS....

2010-03-30T11:32:00.003-04:00

This group of women have blessed my heart over the past 8 weeks as we've met every Monday night to study the word of God together and work through a bible study by author, Kelly Minter, called, "No other gods". (In case you are wondering NOG stands for "no other gods"). The women that make up the group are unique and dear to me. We have young and we have older (I refuse to say the word "old", I'm just not there yet). We have three different churches represented and we have some that are fairly new in their walk with the Lord and some that are seasoned in their walk with the Lord. BUT....the one common denominator we shared is a hunger to learn more about God and a desire to draw closer to Him. These women were not "hand picked", I posted on facebook about 12 weeks ago requesting that anyone interested in committing to a weekly Bible study to contact me and these are the 5 women that stepped forward.
Last night was bittersweet as we had our last night of study. We left determined to stay close to one another and to remain steadfast in our walk with God. Please be in prayer! I am taking a 4 week break which will allow me to rest and pray about what God wants me to do next. I am asking God to bring 5 more committed women from all walks of life. I never want this time of fellowship to be "just another study", but I want us to walk away living what we've learned.
Once again, I just want to praise God for the opportunity to study His Word with such an awesome group of women!

Days 11 thru 20 on BHRT (Bio Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy)

2010-03-23T09:19:00.002-04:00

During this time frame I am happy to say that I have slept like a baby every night with an occassional hot flash in the early a.m. hours! I think I am normal again (although my family would tell you I never have been "normal", but this is my version of normal). I am amazed at what sleep deprivation does to the body and the emotions. If you haven't yet entered menopause, let me just warn you, the hot flashes are tolerable, the sleep deprivation is not. I have not yet made my follow up appointment with the Nurse Practitioner at the hormone wellness center. I am anxious to see what the outcome of my labwork is. For now, I am content to just sleep again. I am content to laugh again. I am content to live! I am praising God for all He is doing around me (both seen & unseen!)

Happy Birthday to Mr. Wonderful!

2010-03-18T15:05:00.001-04:00

When my husband met our daughter's future in-laws I think his first introduction to them went something like this: "My name is Mike, but most people just call me Mr. Wonderful". We still laugh about it and this week they mailed Mike a birthday card addressed to "Mr. Wonderful" Combs. Thank God, he rarely remembers how to access my blog because what I am about to say could cause him to be full of himself, but I have to say....he truly has been "Mr. Wonderful".
My beautiful grandmother, Susan had a jealous streak in her when it came to my grandfather. She always thought that other women were looking at him. Now more than likely she was a tad bit insecure, but I would like to think that she was so in love with him that she just assumed that the rest of the world was as well. Mike and I laugh about my grandmother and some of the things she would say to my grandfather in reference to women flirting with him (mind you he was in his late 80's, early 90's when she said these things)....We laugh because I catch myself commenting when I think a a woman may be flirting or saying something a tad bit in appropraite to my husband. I have to admit, my fangs come out just a little. So, I reminded him in his birthday card today that in 30 years from now, when he is 84 years old, I'll still think every woman in the world is looking at him and wanting him, because I still will.
So, Happy Birthday, Mr. Wonderful! I still see you through the same eyes I saw you through 26 years ago!

Weeping Forward.....

2010-03-15T13:36:00.003-04:00

We started a new study in Sunday School yesterday titled, "Ruth: Loss, Love, and Legacy" by Kelly Minter. I cannot begin to tell you how this study is already speaking to me. For starters, I'm always amazed that whatever is taught in one area of the church/sunday school, usually carries over into another. We are having revival at our church this week and Josh Pilgram (a very energetic and annointed young man) is the speaker. Yesterday in Sunday School, we discussed the hebrew word "hesed" which means kindness, love, mercy, grace....it is a covenant love....then it was discussed later when Josh preached in the church service (see what I mean?). Anyway, going down bunny trails as usual. I want to tell you what spoke to me most in our first week of the Ruth study. In the first week, we talked about two journeys that Naomi took (if not familiar with this, read Ruth Chapter 1). She had two daughter-in-law's that she attempted to discourage from traveling with her for a number of reasons. After much talk, she finally convinced one daughter-in-law (Orpah - not Oprah) to turn back. Orpah wept and went back. Her other daughter-in-law, Ruth, wept but hugged her and told her that she was going with her. Ruth wept forward. See, it is O.K. to weep....but do so going forward, knowing that God is able to see you through every heartache, every trial, and every circumstance. Do so knowing that as the Word says, "Though your sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning."

Days 7 thru 10 on BHRT (Bio Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy)

2010-03-15T13:10:00.002-04:00

I have hesitated to write on this topic until I had something of worth to say. After all, a hot flash is a hot flash....need a bore you with details of each time I have one? O.K., on about day 7, I remembered that the prescribing physician for the BHRT had told me that if 1 dose of the natural estrogen therapy was not effective, I could take 2... (maybe I was in denial about this because I wanted to stretch this already more expensive therapy). So day 7, I increased my dose. By george, I think it's working. I did have my doubts this morning. I had taken our mattress warmer off the bed and flipped it thinking that one of the wires might have been kinked. The warmer has dual controls and while I haven't used mine since I stopped HRT in January, Mike uses his almost daily. I woke up this morning feeling warmth down the entire backside of my body (no, I didn't wet the bed)....it dawned on me that I had mixed up the controls for the warmer. So when Mike turns his on, it warms my side of the bed....I have all intentions of fixing this problem today.
On another note, I found out that a new pharmacy in our town is a compounding pharmacy, meaning that they should be able to fill my prescriptions for BHRT. (Only certain pharmacies are "compounding pharmacies", and none local that I'm aware of.
This is definitely a journey. I had a rough start Saturday morning, just woke up feeling gloomy and down, for no reason at all. Totally not my usual nature. I have learned through this that even though your thoughts and feelings may be totally off course, it's a choice to not be motivated by them. I have had to lay this at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to help me be in control of what I think and what I speak. I cannot use hormonal disconbobulation (not a real word, but sure you got the point) as an excuse for not treating people well. In a future post, I would like to share how difficult the first years of my marriage were because I let feelings and hormones rule me. The journey continues....

For the Sake of Christ....

2010-03-14T08:35:00.002-04:00

I was tempted to compromise my witness a couple of days ago and speak out of anger to someone (had I done so, I probably would have compromised my job as well). We have one physician on our unit who has always been an absolute tyrant and prides himself in being so. A couple of days ago on our unit, I allowed him to push my buttons. It was a very uncomfortable place to be because it all occurred in front of a patient. My eyes teared up and for a second I could have wept. When I went to bed that night I prayed for the great physician to give that physician a heart transplant (spiritually speaking of course). I also prayed for God to help me handle such situations His way, and not my way. The next morning as I was doing my Bible study this scripture was part of my study: "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong". How I needed to hear those words and be reminded that it's all for the sake of Christ that we endure the things of this world. I needed to be reminded that I am weak, but He (Jesus Christ) is strong. Thank you Lord for this simple, yet profound reminder!

The God Who knows everything!

2010-03-09T08:54:00.003-05:00

On Sunday night as my head hit the pillow I thanked God for allowing me to be born into the family He gave me. I thanked Him that He is the "I AM", the God Who knows and controls everything. He knew Frances DeLoach would be my mother and that Fotch Staten would be my father. He knew I would be a preemie back in the day when preemie's didn't make it. He knew who my brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins would be. He knew I would fail miserable through the years and that eventually I would cry out to Him when I had no where else to go.
Sunday was special. My baby brother (and only living brother) and his wife, Tracy invited us to their home for a housewarming. It was wonderful to spend time with my siblings. One of my biggest faults is that I take life too serious, but on Sunday...I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time. How can you not laugh when you get Billy, Janice, Patti, Debi, and Frances together (they could launch their own comedy show). Anyway, once again I thank God that He knows everything and that He knew who my siblings would be. I love them immensely and wouldn't trade them for the world!

Days 4 thru 6 on BHRT (Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!)

2010-03-09T08:47:00.002-05:00

On Day 4, vaguely remembering some hot flashes...maybe a time or two through the night! My first thought was, "Yeah! This stuff is working faster than expected!" Also woke up feeling more rested (duh? sleep does that for you). Had a great day (Sunday), great fellowship at church with my great big church family and then on to a family gathering (that's an entirely separate post). Then Day 5....that is where I was tempted to "throw the baby out with the bathwater". I woke up every hour on the hour with "blood boiling" hot flashes. That is about all I will say about that. No need to launch a major complaint, just prayed much for patience. Day 6...Yahoo! Didn't have a hot flash until 5:30 this morning. I am so stinkin' happy right now. Got some good solid sleep. It may have helped that I changed my sheets yesterday (from flannel to cotton). Next step, pajamas made with wicking (as suggested by Anita...). Onward with the journey and thankful for answered prayer. (To God be the glory!)

Day 2 & 3 on BHRT (Bio Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy)

2010-03-06T10:24:00.002-05:00

On day 2, I had a very productive day and worked from daylight to dark on "to do's". By 9:45 p.m., I was zapped and sleep came easy. I only woke up once or twice with my friend "Hot flash". I went online and downloaded a coupon for one component of the BHRT. A lady demonstrated how to properly use the transdermal mist. She looked wide eyed and a bit unstable to me. I told Mike if I begin to look like her and I'm unaware for him to tell me so that I can come off the medicine quickly. Then today (day 3) I woke up several times throughout the night with my friend "hot flash", but they didn't seem to last as long. Chapter 3 in the book, "From Belly Fat to Belly Flat" focused on eating foods that balanced your hormones. Coffee was not on the list! As a matter of fact caffeine increased estrogen dominance. This rocked my world. I so love a good cup of coffee and in cooler weather it is not uncommon for me to ingest 2-4 cups a day. Other foods that cause estrogen dominance and upset the hormone balance are: Foods high in saturated fat, simple carbs (all white foods = bread, sugar, flour, potatoes, rice), alcohol, and phytoestrogens (soy products if not eaten in moderation). The journey into hormone balance continues. May your day be blessed!

Make Room.....

2010-03-04T16:08:00.002-05:00

Just want to recap what the first 5 weeks of our small group study "No Other Gods" has covered. The overall theme has been "Make Room"....meaning to make room for God. In the first session we discussed our own personal pharaohs. We discussed the definition of a professed God versus a functioning God. A professed God is what we say we believe about God and a functioning god is what is really operating as our God. Basically, talking out of two sides of our mouth. In the second week we looked at why we have idols....our identity, need, pain, when God is silent, and fear. Then in the third week we talked about lies, primarily the lies that Satan tells us. We talked about the character of Satan (a liar and the father of lies) and the character of God (He cannot lie). As we stepped into our fourth week we discussed why idols are even a problem....they are desires gone crazy, jealousy and competition abound where there are idols, and also...they can never satisfy us. Then this past week (week 5) we talked about good goodbyes! Goodbye usually has a negative connotation. I especially enjoyed as we shared times in our life we had to say goodbye to someone or something. BUT, my very favorite part in this study is when we talked about the false memories that the Israelites had (see Numbers 11:1-17), they whined and complained because they were sick of eating manna and were craving meat. They talked about all the wonderful foods that they had when they were in Egypt and mentioned that these foods were free. (If you know the story, you know the foods weren't free because the Israelites were captives in Egypt for 470 years. The Egyptians killed their baby boys and made them work hard labor!) After God heard their whining and complaining for some time, He gave them meat until they vomited it out of their nostrils! YUCK! I remember thinking, "Boy, they were stupid"....but how often have I been like the Israelites....begged, whined, complained, and pleaded for God to give me what I desire only for Him to do so and me to be sick of it shortly after! Anyway....looking forward to next week when we'll talk about the God of Gods!
I will try to post more about the content of this study next week and how God has used this study in our small group time to draw us closer to Him!

Day 1 on BHRT (Bio Identical Hormone Therapy)

2010-03-04T08:50:00.002-05:00

Randall is one of my christian brothers that told me last night that he had been reading my blog lately. I said, "Well, you may get bored with the next few posts, they are about my battle with hormone problems." Then I added, "But you can read it...". Anyway, Randall, if you are reading this know that women are not the only ones that suffer with menopause, men suffer from andropause (their version of menopause)...they also deal with estrogen dominance.

Not much to tell today, took my first dose of BHRT....wish one dose would fix it but I know it could take weeks for the hormone levels to build up again. The Nurse Practitioner told me to be sure to take the medication at night as it could make me sleepy. My first thought was, "Woo Hoo! I could sure use some sleep". So meanwhile I wait...Went to bed last night at 10:20 accompanied by my "stay put, naggy little headache". Woke up at 11:30, 3:30, 5:00....I just start praying for someone when I wake up till sleep comes again. When I wake up it is because of my new found friend "hot flash". Mike likes the hot flashes, says he gets warm quickly in cold weather when he lies beside me. I would gladly give up ownership of them if I could. Read another chapter of "From Belly Fat to Belly Flat". This chapter talked about the effect estrogen dominance has on the thyroid. Also, the author/physician discusses the alarming volume of people on antidepressants that would be cured if their hormones were balanced. Hmmmm?

Ground Zero on BHRT (Bio Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy)

2010-03-03T15:46:00.003-05:00

I forgot to mention in my previous post that I'm having unbelievable sugar craving since I quit my HRT. Today I've had a headache all day (and I'm not a headache person). Headaches have been the norm since I divorced HRT - not a migraine but a nagging, irritating, stay put, headache. I'm not so sure I can blame my lack of HRT on today's headache since I'm sleep deprived, I've drank NO water today, and my front porch is covered in pollen. I bought a book at the Hormone Wellness Store (that was another impressive thing about them, they didn't push their store or products). The book is called "From Belly Fat to Belly Flat". Chapter 1 is devoted to explaining estrogen dominance. In short it means "your body's estrogen production is not balanced by progesterone production". The estrogen-to-progesterone seesaw has become tilted. This in turn can cause a host of other problems. Namely, your belly becomes the ultimate fat magnet. Hey and guess what? Men suffer from estrogen dominance too! I promise that every post I write from here on out will not be devoted to my menopause and HRT, but writing right now is therapy for me and will quite possibly help me sort through what works and what doesn't. Thanks for listening!

For Women Only....Hormone Replacement Therapy....yes or no?

2010-03-03T13:13:00.002-05:00

I've been fighting a battle for the past two months. On Jan 1 of this year I made the decision to stop taking Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) COLD TURKEY! Yes, I know that was crazy. I started on it 12 years ago when I was diagnosed with early menopause. It was prescribed to combat symptoms (night sweats, hot flashes) and to prevent bone loss. It worked like a charm! BUT...every few years an opinion would flash from a medical journal or some other form of media that told me it was unsafe if taken more than 5 years. During my time on HRT, I began to notice gastrointestinal issues, weight plateaus that would not move regardless of diet or exercise, abdominal bloating, and bone loss. I can't say that HRT was to blame but I always had this nagging thought, "What if?"
One of my assistant nurse managers shared with me within the past several months that she had began seeing a physician that specializes in hormone wellness and bio identical (plant derived) hormones. I wish that I had journaled daily about my journey without hormones since Jan 1, but the few times I did journal were not so nice. Let me sum it up by telling you that I haven't liked the person I am without HRT, both physically and emotionally. The side effects without the HRT was almost enough to make me cave in and go to the pharmacy and had it not been for knowing that I had an appointment on the books for today with the hormone wellness physician, I'm sure I would have. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN! (Or my version of normal anyway). The side effects have included hot flashes, night sweats, sleepless nights, daytime fatigue, irritability, moodiness, headaches, heart palpitations, forgetfulness, crying, OH....and not to mention that I've said some very odd & random things at very inappropriate times.
Anyway, today I went to my appointment and met with a Nurse Practitioner named Nicole. Nothing profound happened today....lab work was ordered, medical history and symptoms were reviewed, optiions discussed....yet.....I left feeling hopeful. So tonight I will start on Bioidentical Hormone Therapy (BHRT). It is costly compared to the synthetic brand of hormones (why does everything healthy cost more), but I have to know if it works. I plan to chart my course over the next month, I hope it doesn't bore you to tears but I pray that it helps someone. If you are currently taking BHRT, please drop me a line and let me know if it has worked for you.

The N.O.G.'s

2010-03-02T09:43:00.002-05:00

For the past 5 weeks now, a small group of women from different churches and of varying ages have met in my home to study the Word of God. I cannot begin to tell you how much each of these women have blessed me with their testimonies and our times of sharing. We are studying from a book by author/singer, Kelly Minter, titled, "No other gods". The author spear headed this study by first having a small group meet in her own home and for fun they called themselves "The NOGS" (No Other God's)....so I found it only fitting that we call ourselves the N.O.G.'s as well. In a few weeks, we will end our study with a meal and game time and just a sweet time of fellowship. My prayer is that each woman that walks away from the study time will have a closer walk with Jesus and not just have attended another Bible study. Please pray for us as we continue this sweet fellowship time. Pray that if God willing, someone that is strong in their walk will emerge from this study willing to take on their own small group in a few weeks. As we continue in our study, I plan to write a few posts regarding how God has spoke to me through this study time and if any of them are willing, I will share or encourage them to share how God has spoke to them. As always, I appreciate any prayers you send my way. I just want to Praise God this morning for what He is doing around me (both seen and unseen)!

Fisher's of Men

2010-02-26T10:12:00.004-05:00

Matthew 4:19 says, "and He said to them, 'Follow me and I will make you fishers of men".

Allow me to apologize upfront for I fear this post will become long winded (as usual). I want to share my heart with you and tell you about a ministry that is brewing in my heart. Several years ago, a sister-in-Christ told me about a ministry through her church called, "Fishers of men". The best way to explain this ministry is to liken it to the process of passing out "Amish" bread. Anyone that is familiar with this process know that it works like this: The bread has a starter, the person with the starter makes the bread, passes it out and then passes out starter kits to those willing to carry on with the process. After awhile, you end up with a multitude of starter kits and bread. So, are you with me so far. My heart is to see a great multitude of disciples and a great multitude of those being discipled (or maybe evangelized).

If I've perked your interest so far, let me explain further how this ministry works:
1) Small group (6-8 people is optimal to facilitate sharing of the heart).
2) Mixture of seasoned believers, new believers, and quite possibly some unbelievers.
3) Not church or denomination specific group, but must all have same Christian belief (Jesus died on the cross for our sins, was crucified, rose from the dead on the third day...only one way to God.)
4) Study should not last more than 8 weeks
5) Intense prayer for at least one to emerge from the study willing to lead a small group approximately 4 weeks after the initial small group ends.
6) Facilitator from initial small group to lead another small group with new set of people.

For the past 4 weeks, a small group has met in my home and been a part of a study by author Kelly Minter, titled "No other gods". I won't go into great detail about the study (I'll save that for another post), but let me just suffice it to say, the study has been phenomenal and the way God has been working through the study has been profound.

A new study will start in approximately 8 weeks and last 4-8 weeks. If you think you may be interested in attending or if you have questions, please let me know.

Your love is relentless....and I'm glad for it!

2010-02-17T11:41:00.005-05:00

"Your love is relentless and I'm glad for it,
your love is relentless and if not for it, I'd perish for sure, if not for it!"

I simply could not get this tune out of my head this morning from David Crowder's CD "Church Music". It is my mantra this week. Only a handful of people know what God did in our home this week....it was simple, yet profound. I would love to share what He did in it's entirety but that is Seann's testimony and I know that when the Lord leads him to, he'll share it. However, I can share the portion that belongs to me.....I had no choice but to put my faith in God and believe that He sees the much bigger picture. I had to trust the God that spoke the world into existence, that parted the Red Sea, brought the dead back to life, healed the sick, brought demons out of the afflicted, opened up the womb of the barren....the list is endless....why do we struggle to trust a God that is capable of so much! Let me suffice it to say that I am simply overwhelmed by the Healer's relentless love for me!

You can listen to David Crowder's song, "Birmingham" here

"Religiously Privileged"

2010-02-08T08:57:00.003-05:00

I am studying the book of Romans in depth. It's odd, but usually when Mike and I counsel or direct someone to read the Bible, we direct them to the book of John. Recently, God laid it on my heart to tell someone to start in Romans Chapter 1. Anything I tell someone else to read, I study myself so that we can discuss it in it's entirety. I was blown away today as I read Romans Chapter 2. The first 16 verses discussed the impartiality of God....basically that sin is sin and all sin is level before an almighty God and all sin will be judged. Then I entered into the last batch of verses in this chapter (17-29). The Jewish community has always been of interest to me because we are told numerous times in God's Word that they are His chosen people. What I have struggled with over the years is how they can be chosen and not love Him with their heart, mind, and soul. This alone has been a unfair judgement on my part because as I read verse 17 and the explanation of this scripture in my Life Application Bible, it discusses that the Jews are considered a "religiously privileged" group of people. What hit me that was profound is that if you have been raised in a Christian home...I'm not talking about just going to church and going through the motions, I'm talking about a home where your parents love the Lord with their heart, mind, and soul....THEN, you are no different from the Jews in the fact that you are "religiously privileged". The same condemnation that applies to the Jewish population in verse 17, applies to me. I grew up "religiously privileged". I had a mother and grandmother that loved the Lord and prayed for their children/grandchildren on a daily basis. I rode the coat tails of their love and knowledge of God for many years. Now my responsibility before God is to live what I know.
If you have grown up "religiously privileged", take a moment today to thank God for what your parents taught you and to ask God to help you live by what you know!

An "On Time" God...

2010-02-03T15:16:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I'm always amazed at what an "on time" God we serve! This past week, Mike and I traveled to Clayton, Georgia with our friends Bobby & Dana for an extended weekend of R & R! I had told the lady that owns the cabin where we would be staying that I was praying we would see snow. When we arrived at the cabin, the owner was there and told us that we would be wise to head to the grocery store as snow would arrive Friday afternoon (this was on Thursday). We heeded her advice. The next morning we decided that we should do any site seeing before the snow began, so we set out for the Highlands and traveled an hour up the mountain by vehicle. As we weaved around curves, Dana became car sick and we would stop every few miles to let her get fresh air. When we arrived in the small town of Cashier, we went into some of the local shops and everyone was buzzing about the expected snow. When we heard one woman mention that 8 inches of snow was expected and that we may be "snowed in" until Tuesday, we took this as our opportunity to descend back down the mountain towards our cozy little cabin. The other deciding factor to head home was that Dana was feeling worse by the mile. We had just arrived at our cabin, when Mike looked out the window and asked, "Is that fog", Bobby then added, "No, the clouds seem to be dropping". Almost before Bobby could complete his sentence, snow started falling....not the little flurries that are seen every decade or so in Florida but huge snow flakes. Had Dana not been car sick, we would have possibly had a dangerous trek home down the mountain. As always, we had prayed that morning for safety before heading up the mountain and as always, I believe God is an "on time" God!

Whoops we did it again!

2010-01-27T20:26:00.003-05:00

O.K., me and Shanna are in trouble with Mike again! Several years ago, Mike could never find the cordless phone when it would ring because Shanna & I would misplace it. Out of his determination to keep up with it better, he tied a piece of rope to it and a shovel at one end of the rope. This was really challenging when the phone rang because even though it taught us to keep the phone in it's proper place, it was anchored by this rope and shovel and you would have to tilt your head to keep from being tired while talking on the phone. Well, the phone just rang....Shanna and I didn't jump to answer it (we've always had this knack for pretending we don't hear it)....Mike looked at us in frustration and said, "Alright girls, I am going to tie the shovel to the phone again"....I think I better find all the cordless phones and return them to their proper holder, it was very embarassing when friends were over and the explanation didn't seem quite normal. To all my friends in J-ville, I don't expect you to understand this, it's a Macclenny thing!

It's the inside He's looking at.....

2010-01-25T10:17:00.002-05:00

I Samuel 16:7: "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'

How many of us wouldn't stand a chance if the Lord based our salvation on our outward appearance or how many of us don't stand a chance because we are beautiful on the inside and ugly in our hearts. I know I wouldn't stand a chance if my salvation and God's love for me was based on outward appearance but I praise God that He is forever purging this ugliness out of my heart and making me clean from the inside out.

A few days ago, I was at the gym and received a recipe from the manager, Melinda, for some "healthy" cookies. This morning I mixed the cookies up in preparation for my small group gathering tonight.....they looked like this huge clump of brown mush and didn't look much different after I baked them. My son came home from work about the time that the first batch was completed and I was complaining about the appearance of the cookies as he popped the third one in his mouth. He said, "See mom, that's the problem with people....appearance is so deceiving because these are awesome." Then he said, "Now, go write a post about that!"

Life is like this isn't it! How many of us have made first impressions based on appearance or social stature only to be greatly deceived later? God is challenging me lately to love as He loves regardless of what these eyes of mine can see!

How did I motivate?

2010-01-23T10:18:00.003-05:00

Yesterday started out with a bang, or maybe it wasn't a bang but more like someone stuck a pin in my balloon and the balloon of about 8 of my co-workers. Leslie and I rode together and when we arrived in the locker room to get ready for our shift, one of our co-workers looked at us and said, "I hope you didn't park across the street, they are handing out $200 tickets." Several of us had been parking in the street across from the hospital for the past year because it provides quicker and safer access to the side of the hospital that we work on. So, with this new knowledge on board, I had no choice but to leave the locker room, run to my car, and park in the area where I'm assigned to park (a covered parking garage behind the hospital that is a good hike from our floor). When I arrived to the unit, I became the ring leader of complaints to my nurse manager. Cece, my nurse manager, is a Godly woman and wise beyond her years. She listened to me for a few minutes and then quietly said, "Well what about the poor plant facility men that park off site?"
I shut my mouth. It didn't make me like the parking arrangements any more but it reminded me that here I am, one of the older nurses on our unit, one that tries to lead by example and tell others about Christ through my actions, and I am ring leading a riot over the parking situation. That said, did I motivate others towards Christ through my actions....I think not...I motivated them toward our human tendencies...to lash out when we feel we've been wronged or when we feel that life isn't fair. I woke up this morning with a fresh perspective and asking God to forgive me for my bend towards human tendencies!

Innocent Sin?

2010-01-21T16:23:00.003-05:00

Almost sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Is there really such a thing? My morning devotional was in Genesis 20. Abraham's wife, Sarah, must have been breathtakingly beautiful because everywhere they went, the heads of men turned and they desperately wanted her. It is beyond me that Abraham would use his own wife as a pawn to get what he wanted. But, twice in the book of Genesis when Abraham traveled and men noticed Sarah, he saw an opportunity and seized it.....to the point of allowing men to take her home. He would pass her off as his sister. Makes me think of the modern day movie that came out several years ago, "Indecent proposal", where a man allows his wife to spend the night with a man for a million dollars. One such man that Abraham offered his wife to under the disguise of being his sister was a king by the name of Abimelech. BUT God (I always love those two words) intervened in this situation. Abimelech had Sarah brought to his palace and before he could even approach her, God appeared to him in a dream and revealed the truth to him. Abimelech pleaded with the Lord (Genesis 20:4,5 says, "...Lord will you kill an innocent people?....In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this") He never denied his sin, he just declared that he was innocent when he sinned. The Lord honored his plea and told Abimelech, "It was I who kept you from sinning" (Genesis 20:6).
Now, unlike Abimelech, we are not as likely today to have God appear to us in a dream, however, this is the importance of asking God to reveal ANY sin in our lives unknown to us (Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts)....The God who kept Abimelech from sinning will do the same for us. He may choose to close a door that you thought should be open (or vice versa). He may give you an unease or restlessness about a decision or situation. He may send a person to warn you. Regardless, I believe God wants to keep His children from sinning and that He warns us. The problem is we don't always heed the warning and sometimes we just blatantly choose sin!
Read Genesis Chapter 20 in it's entirety. Had Abimelech ignored the warning, his sin would not only affect himself but many others. That's the deception of sin!

Discipline

2010-01-09T07:15:00.003-05:00

I have not blogged in forever....namely because I've had very little to say (If you believe that I've got some land I'll sale you real cheap in Alapaha, Georgia!) The truth is, I've had plenty to say, but God has allowed me to keep my big trap shut. Over the past several months, a word has echoed over and over in my mind....DISCIPLINE! What has echoed even more, is my lack of....DISCIPLINE! Over the past 6 months my life has been in complete chaos and I'm not even sure why. God has blessed me and my family with good health, jobs, needs met, a new son-in-law (and the most awesome family that he belongs to)...but yet,there has been chaos. The chaos has mostly been occurring IN me, not so much around me. Everything in my life has been undisciplined and it started with my lack of discipline in reading God's Word, talking to Him daily, and church attendance. I don't want to get legalistic here...but I know me...when I'm not completely sold out and plugged into the things of God first, everything else goes to putt...so following suit, the rest of my life has been undisciplined as well....health, eating habits, exercise, finances, care of my home...the list is endless. So, here I am...not boasting but with the intentions of putting God first, and everything else is extra!

Dear Parents of Adult Children....

2009-11-29T05:39:00.002-05:00

I carry a burden in my heart for you if you are a parent of an adult child. When my children were small and as they entered each new phase of their life over the years, no one could have told me that "adulthood" would be the most difficult phase of all to witness. Once they enter adulthood, you realize that your parental control slips and you must often sit by and witness choices that you would have advised against. I need to pause and say how much God has blessed me with both of my children - my daughter will admit when she has made a mistake and is not too proud to ask for prayer when needed. My son, still at home for now, prays almost daily with us and honors a decent bedtime hour in our home without us asking him to. Still, there are times Mike and I must sit back and let them workout the heartache and trials of day-to-day life. As I walked through a christian book store the other day, I found a book titled, "The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children", by Stormie O'Martian. I am usually not one to read books with prepared prayers but knowing that the author has adult children prompted me to buy the book. I'm still in the introduction of the book and already have found it to be full of wisdom and scripture that can be applied daily. She begins with a list of seven things every parent of an adult child needs to know. Here are the subtitles:
(1) You need to know it never ends
(2) You need to know you can't fix them.
(3) You need to know God can change everything.
(4) You need to know that you must stop blaming yourself.
(5) You need to know how to forgive (and how to ask for forgiveness).
(6) You need to know there is only one perfect parent.
(7) You need to know that you can wholeheartedly say, "For this adult child I prayed".

Of course, she expounds in great detail each subtitle in the list. I did not intend this post to be a sales pitch for a book but only to spark your interest if you are struggling with how and what to pray for your adult child in this season of his/her life. There will never be a time when we will be exempt from loving, caring, and praying for our children.

My Two Favorite Men....

2009-11-17T16:46:00.002-05:00

Thankful......

2009-11-09T09:44:00.003-05:00

Well, the "big day" is finally over. My daughter took a new last name on October 24th and we have added a new member to our family. I am still in awe of how smooth it went and how God just worked every little detail out to make the day extra special. Shanna truly looked like a princess as she walked down the aisle and Joe looked like a prince! This weekend, me and my main squeeze took a weekend to spend some much needed time together at a condo in St. Augustine. Again, what a beautiful weekend....the weather was perfect! I am so thankful to God for how big He is, all I need to do is look at the vast ocean waves and the endless sea to remember this. I am also thankful to all the friends and family that God has given me that contributed to making Shanna's day extra special. Hopefully, I have some free time to enter the blogging world again! Don't give up on me...I am going to spend some much needed time alone with God and write as He allows it!

The Journey Back to Shechem....

2009-10-06T17:11:00.008-04:00

As our Sunday School class continues to study from Priscilla Shirer's "He speaks to me" series, the lessons couldn't be more timely for myself. This past week focused on having a set apart holiness. Shechem was a physical place in Genesis where God made a covenant with Abraham regarding his future and the future of his descendants. Many years later, Joshua took the Israelites back to this place to remind them of God's promises (see Joshua 24:15). Priscilla Shirer states, "We all have our 'shechems', ". She goes on to explain that our "shechem's" may not be physical but may be an emotional or mental state. For instance, the Lord may take you back to an emotional shechum to remind you of a painful memory or relationship. I had to encounter a journey back to shechum last week! As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently had a job interview. I made it through the first interview. I won't venture as far as to say that I was confident I had the job, but I will say that I felt at peace when I left the interview. The three women interviewing me told me that after all of the interviews, they would narrow their choices down to three prospects and those three would be re interviewed by the administrator. I was called for a second interview. From the moment I pulled into the parking lot for my second interview, something didn't feel right. I became overly concerned about my choice of clothing, my makeup, my hairstyle....once the interview started, I had difficulty forming sentences that made sense and I caught myself thinking about things on my "to do" list during the interview. We were 30 minutes into the interview when the lady interviewing me asked me how I felt about a service that was offered through their organization. This is something that I was strongly opposed to and it never occurred to me that I would have any involvement with this. I felt a flush of heat well up in me and attempted to avoid the question. I think I mumbled, "I'm not sure"....My thought was that I would avoid the question, go home and pray about the correct answer, then if offered the job I would defend my stance on this issue. That was not to happen....30 minutes later she returned to the question and politely said, "You never answered my previous question"...all of a sudden the strangest thing happened, tears welled up in my eyes and poured down my cheeks....I looked her and said, "Well, I guess this says it all, I have a problem with it". The interview adjourned after 30 minutes more of small talk and then the lady politely escorted me to the lobby and said goodbye in a tone that I knew meant that I would not be considered for the job. I went to my car and wept in the parking lot. I didn't weep because I didn't get the job, I wept because I was suddenly reminded of how well God knows me and that He allowed those silly tears during an interview to keep me from having to relive my own shechum, ....I had worked in a job several years ago outside of God's will and had prayed with everything in me for God's will to be done during this interview process. I also wept because all of a sudden I knew how Peter must have felt when he denied Jesus....had it not been for the sudden tears during my interview, I quite possibly would have went home and never addressed something that I strongly oppose. I have been thanking God ever since for those tears.

31 days and counting (but then whose counting?....ME!)

2009-09-23T14:02:00.003-04:00

I have neglected to blog lately because I don't really have anything of depth to say....my plate is full and thereful my brain is full of silly things...Ladies, I don't care how simple you attempt to make your daughter's wedding, it ends up being far from simple. Since lately my life is consumed with "fru fru" wedding stuff, I have also feared my blog would appear self centered or vane...So...here goes...I have to share the latest....

Often in my job as a labor & delivery nurse, patients will ask, "Do you have any children yourself", and I would reply with, "Yes, One of each - a daughter ___ years old, and a son ___ years old." Until about 5 years ago, when I would have this conversation with patients, many would gasp and say, "You are kidding! You don't look old enough to have adult children." Whether they meant it or were just attempting to humor me, I really didn' care...I took the compliment and moved on. Over the past few years, I never hear that comment anymore and recently a nurse on another floor invited me to be a member of the red head society (A club for those 50 and older, I'm 46!) It has not bothered me over the past few years. I once was caught up in spending money on clothes, too much time on skin care routines, etc...BUT today I woke up thinking, "My daughter is about to be married and maybe it's time for me to do something about this samsonite luggage under my eyes....So, I jumped in my car quite excited! I called my main squeeze on the way to town and said, "Look honey, I'm headed to the makeup counter..I'm going to tell the makeup artist that I'm 46, I look like I'm 56, but when I leave there I want to look like I'm 36, then I'm going to head over to Target and buy a "spanx" so it will hold all my body parts in and I will have the body of a 26 year old". His reply was, "I like all those measurements". I give up! Just like a man to equate numbers with measurements instead of age. So, on with this mundane story....I arrived at the makeup counter and told "Kim" my dilemma....Kim is a beautiful young blond that has on entirely too much makeup and I'm trying to explain to her how I want to look young but natural all at the same time! She studied my face for a few minutes and came back with foundation with some man's name on the label that was entirely too long....she began to dab foundation on my face....she dabbed, and dabbed, and dabbed some more....she then stated, "you'll love this, it has snake venom in it and diminishes fine lines". I thought, "Yeah, I've been dying to have some snake venom on my face." Then out loud I mumbled to her, "Is it toxic?" "Oh no" she said, "this is the same ingredients in botox!" I didn't bother to tell her that I have no desire for my facial expressions to look posed or stuck on my face....She then applied, cheek color, eye color and lipstick...when I looked in the mirror, I was horrified! I looked like a Raggedy Ann doll minus the wiry red hair! I told her maybe I would just stick with the foundation that I already have but I would take some face powder and lip gloss...I thanked "Kim" as I was checking out at the counter and she looked at me with a smile and said, "My name is Jill". I left there quite disappointed! My mission had failed! As for the spanx, well I didn't get one of those either....I rationalized that if something looks too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true. I left there with a vivid reminder in my head of the fact that my Savior is concerned with the inside, not with the outside.

Seeking His Will.....

2009-09-10T21:19:00.003-04:00

Today I went for a job interview. I'll tell you like I told my precious nurse manager, Cece, I have not been job hunting. Several weeks ago, Mike and I were talking right before we drifted off to sleep and I told him how content I was at this season of my life....one major area of contentment for me is my job. I am fortunate to see the miracle of life almost every time I go to work and I have a wonderful nurse manager. On occasion, I will tell God, "O.K., God you know I love my job, but if you see fit to place me in a job right here at home, just show me because I'm a little slow." I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I know what it is like to be discontent...and it's quite a miserable place to be. God has such a sense of humor....you know the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans..." The next day after I had boldly mentioned my contentment to my husband, I received a phone call from a sweet lady that has been a friend and acquaintance for several years now. She mentioned a job opening where she works and asked if I would be interested in applying.....after I told her, "Well, maybe (pause)..." She said, "Well, so far there is about 150 applicants"....I thought to myself, "talk about shooting down the ego, how can an aging woman like myself compete with that." I hung up the phone began to work on my application and placed this situation at the Lord's feet. You see, I don't want any job that God doesn't want me to have! I went for my interview today prayed up! My sweet man prayed with me this morning and my daughter prayed with me this afternoon before the interview. So....now I wait....once again, just seeking His will and trusting that He knows what is best for me and my family :)

Are You Ready?

2009-09-07T18:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday our pastor preached a sermon titled, "Are you ready?". This sermon was based on Matthew 24:27 and is the pre-runner for sermons he will be preaching in the weeks to come from the book of Revelation. I have always been intrigued with the study of eschatology (end time events) even before I was a christian (which doesn't make sense because I certainly wasn't ready then!). However, I always feel a catch in my heart when end time events are preached or taught because of the vast amount of people I love dearly that aren't ready. Our pastor is a "no nonsense" type of guy - he does not preach "feel good" sermons or prosperity messages. He gives the facts and ascertains that they come straight from the Bible. At the end of his sermon today, he began to disclose a dream that he had 30 years ago. In this dream, he is a young boy playing outside when all of a sudden the sky changes and he hears his mother yell from inside the house, "The Lord is coming!" In the next scene of his dream, he's on a large ship at sea, looking back at shore and he sees a family member standing on shore holding a child. The family member says, "Oh, I guess we missed it" and walks away. Our pastor was filled with emotion as he recounted the dream from years ago. His intent in disclosing the dream was not to interpret it's meaning but to tell us that 30 years ago, this dream prompted him to remember that he had loved ones that didn't have a relationship with Jesus. His dream reminded me of this as well. I am thankful that I am ready whether the Lord comes back now or a thousand years from now but I am burdened that many people that I love are not ready. Dear family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, are you ready? I am praying for you! In a couple of weeks, our church will hold a revival starting September 13th. For more information, go to www.raifordroadchurch.org. If I can pray with you or share the truth of Jesus Christ with you, please send me an email @ suziqcombs@yahoo.com I pray God is dealing with your heart, even as you read this!

Contentment....

2009-09-01T05:26:00.002-04:00

I'm always amazed at how God will place a word, phrase, or scripture on your heart in various seasons in your life that will be specific to that season. A few years ago, I was terribly heartbroken. I felt my heart was being ripped from my chest and couldn't understand why things were not going as I thought they should and why I had to endure this heartache. A phrase from scripture rolled over and over in my head, "the secret things belong to the Lord our God"....this was such a comfort to me during this time and even now, with mass chaos and confusion in our world, I catch myself reciting this phrase from God's Word. Other words or phrases have played over in my mind. For instance, "peace" and "legacy", but over the past few months, the word that occupies my thoughts and causes much pondering is "contentment". Several years ago, I went through a long season of discontentment and because of that I can't begin to tell you how welcome contentment is. It's like a cool drink of water on a hot and humid day. Am I saying that I'm always a peace-filled, fun-loving person who rarely has a bad day? Not at all! Contentment takes effort, much prayer, and meditation on scripture. I find that with thankfulness and praise, contentment is a close companion. Contentment is an act of surrender to the One who knew me before I was born, who numbered the hairs on my head, and who named the stars. Contentment is saying to my Maker, "You are the great 'I AM' and I will! Contentment is knowing that regardless of my surroundings, God sees the big picture and hears my prayers and knows what is best!

"The Hole in Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns

2009-08-24T10:10:00.002-04:00

This book is beautifully written. I requested it for review and truthfully was not expecting much...thinking to myself....another "rich man gives back" story. However, the opposite is true. The author of this book was once the CEO of Lenox, a company known for it's fine china and gifts. He finds himself called to the ministry, although he is not even aware of this calling at first. He is approached on several occasions to consider becoming President of World Vision, a ministry that reaches out to orphaned children in Third World countries. Like Jonah in the Bible, Richard runs on several occasions in the opposite direction of where God is calling him to go. He believes that he has nothing to offer this ministry based on the fact that he has never been involved with the orphaned. Once Richard heeds the calling God has placed on his life, life is never the same. He sets aside worldly success for something far more significant and discovers the full power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This book serves a reminder to all believers in Christ that if God calls us to a ministry, we do well to heed His call and go, regardless of what we think our calling is. Richard Sterns urges readers to ask the question, What if? What if all followers of Jesus looked beyond the walls of their churches and worked together in reclaiming the world for Christ's kingdom? What if we demonstrated God's love for the world instead of just talking about it? Let me encourage you, if you are struggling right now because you feel a calling on your life that you are running from, read this book. You will find Richard passionate about a ministry that he once ran from and he will challenge you to listen to our God who knows best.

Stepping Out, Part III (Five things you need to know....)

2009-08-24T09:23:00.003-04:00

I ended my last post with a question to ponder: What would you do for Jesus if you knew you could not fail? We are assured that whatever we do in His will, will not fail! We will fail though if we are constantly looking back. Have you ever watched on television the men that run from the bulls through the streets of Spain for sport. The guys that get trampled or stabbed are the ones that are constantly looking back as they are running. God's Word tells us not to look back (remember Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt). Luke 9:62 says, "No man is fit for the plow by looking back." So back to our main subject....

There are five things you need to know before you "step out" for Jesus:

(1) Know where you are going....
I won't elaborate on this point....only you and God know where you are going when you depart from this earth. "Works" alone will not get you into heaven. Are you heaven bound? If you don't know for sure, you don't need to "step out" in service for Jesus until you get that settled. Can I tell you that I taught a church youth group for years as a non-believer myself. I wasn't teaching them anything immoral, but I wasn't teaching them sound doctrine either. If you need to know more about how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please email me at suziqcombs@yahoo.com with your phone number and we'll talk.

(2) Know why you are going.....
John 10:27 says, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me." Is God willing it, or are you willing it? Are you doing this act of service to glorify self or glorify God? Nothing is more miserable and humbling then stepping out of God's will. We need to step out because we recognize the Shepard's voice! By the way, stepping out is a command and not a choice if you are a believer.

(3) Know the dress code.....
Ephesians 6:13-18a says, "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication....."

So what exactly is that dress code? According to scripture it is this:
Know truth, live righteously, seek peace, have faith, know that you are a believer, know and study the Word of God, Continuous prayer....If you aren't dressed properly, you'll step out....and then step off into the deep end. Also, if we don't know the proper dress code we'll be drawn to the wrong dress code (i.e., church being a Sunday social, doing our will, the world will inhabit us instead of us inhabiting the world).

(4) Know what is holding you back (from stepping out).....
Ask God to reveal this to you if you don't know already. Here are a list of things (among many) that can hold us back: Lack of knowledge, lack of discipline, lack of compassion or love for others, fear of rejection, laziness, busyness, idol worship (anything more important than God in your life is an idol), insecurity, defeat, fear of change, pride, clinging to the past.

(5) Know your potential thru Jesus Christ!
Phillipians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me".
You didn't take a breath this morning and your heart didn't beat without God enabling it to do so. He knew us before we were formed in the womb! What more potential do we need?

So, I challenge you! Dream a little....what would you do for Jesus if you knew you couldn't fail? This challenge is not for the new babes in Christ....you need milk before you can progress to meat....but if you can no longer be considered a babe in Christ, here is another question to ponder....What is beyond your comfort level but occupies your thoughts and passion? And, secondly, what do you need to start doing today to get there? I would encourage you that if you don't know what your spiritual gifts are to take a spiritual gifts analysis. One that comes to mind is the one my church uses at www.churchgrowth.org. Also, prayerfully consider where God wants you at this season in your life. If your a mother with young children and a husband that works 5 days a week, that may be your ministry at this season. Lastly, don't get grandiose with the ministry that God has for you....start small. Don't get caught up in being grand in the eyes of people, you are already grand in the eyes of an Almighty God :)

Stepping Out, Part II (As it relates to me....)

2009-08-17T08:05:00.002-04:00

I ended yesterday's post with this: God calls all believers to step out of their comfort zone and to tell a sin cursed world about Him. Often before we can minister to a person thru God's Word, we must first minister to their needs.
I want to share a small portion of my testimony here.

I grew up in a South Georgia family with nine siblings....praise God we didn't grow up in the same house at the same time, there were two generations of us. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and my mother assumed the role of both parents at that time. I praise God for a praying mother and grandmother. Both of them instilled a desire in me to know God. I grew up "churched", said the sinner's prayer at a young age and thought that was all there was to it. In those days there was no discipling or mentoring taking place. No fruit ever manifested in me. By the time I was in my 20's, I was married, had 2 children, rebelliously went to church, but served everything but God. There is a saying used in biblical counseling: There's just two choices on the shelf, serve God or serve self. Well, I was serving self big time! I eventually gave my life to Christ at the age of 35 years old when I couldn't stand to clutch the back of the pew any longer and my life has never been the same. I still stand amazed that God could take a sinful, wretched person like me and clean me up and make me new. II Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." Never forget that if you have a personal relationship with Jesus, you are a new creation. Now I am 11 years old. God is continually doing a work in me through progressive sanctification. That is just a $50.00 phrase that means God is constantly moving me forward in an effort to make me holy and set apart. In the simplest of terms it means this: God is daily purging the ugly out of me and often it hurts. I'm a work in progress that won't be perfected or completed this side of heaven. If your a child of God, the same holds true for you....so, quit pressuring yourself toward perfection, you never will be! As a new christian, I could not get enough of God's Word. I would read it and ponder over it most of my days and I believe that is exactly where God wanted me at that moment in time. God wants us to study and love His Word but along with that He wants us to be doers of His word. Early in my christian walk God enabled me to work only two days a week (and I casually tossed the other five days away, didn't see the blessing before my eyes).
WHEW, THIS IS GETTING WORDY....LONGER THAN MOST POSTS, BUT BARE WITH ME....WE ARE ALMOST THERE....
I eventually found myself in a job outside of God's will, working 5 days a week! That was such a humbling time for me. There is nothing more painful than knowing you are doing something contrary to God's will. For over a year, I pleaded with God to give me time at home again and I would use it wisely. After much purging, God gave me time again and began to lay ministry opportunities at my feet. I don't do near what I could for God but today He enables me to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, co-teach Sunday School class, Witness through my blogs, and a limited amount of biblical counseling (I am mostly just a help mate to my husband in this area). PLUS, God has given me time to boot. ....
So, let me ask....What would you do for Jesus if you knew you couldn't fail? Ponder that question and tomorrow I am going to continue with Part III of this series!
Let me go ahead and assure you, if it is for Him, it will not fail!

Stepping Out, Part I (The steps we take....)

2009-08-16T16:08:00.002-04:00

We just completed a ladies conference in Lake City, Florida called, "Stepping Out" in which God blessed me to be a small cog in a big wheel. I thank God for each and every woman involved and the pleasure of meeting women that love the Lord. I also praise God for my friend, Barbara.....God gave her a vision for bringing her community of christian women together and she put feet to words! I am excited about what God is doing and is going to do in Lake City, Florida! I met some wonderful women during these two days and was reacquainted with two that I haven't seen in some time. On the first night of the conference we took a "Spiritual Gifts Analysis". I had taken one of these before but it had been several years ago. Not much had changed, I'm embarrassed to say that I scored pitifully low in the area of serving. In my next few posts for this blog, I would like to try to recapture the theme that surrounded the conference. I hope that Donna Sandage and Angie Knight will do the same on their blogs (Donna if you don't have a blog, it's time sister-girl!)So here goes, Part I of Stepping Out....

"The Steps we take"
When Barbara told me what the theme for the conference would be..."Stepping Out", I immediately began to think of all the steps we take in life.
-Our first steps are baby steps. Those itty bitty steps that only take us a short distance. These steps are very unsteady at first but confidence is gained with each new step. We resort to these steps often throughout life when we go further or faster than we should have. I believe God takes us back to these steps to slow us down and enable us to reflect. We've witnessed family/friends resorting to these steps in sickness or as they age. Perhaps you are in these steps right now. God wants us to depend on Him because in reality, we are incapable of changing anything. Psalm 119:133 says, "Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me". Only an almighty God is capable of steadying our unsteady steps!
-Then....there is "stepping in". I think of when you "step into" those cool springs located in various places throughout Georgia and Florida. The water is so crystal clear that these areas appear to be only 2-3 feet deep...but...before you know it, you are in over your head and struggling to gain solid footing somewhere. Life can be like this on a daily basis. As women, we can be notorious for "stepping in".
We step into relationships that God doesn't honor, jobs that are unfulfilling, projects that absorb our time and energy, friendships that suck the life out of us, gossip in the name of a "prayer request", as well as other forms of bondage and sin!
-We can also "step over" or "around" things. These steps are taken in order to avoid something that we would rather not deal with. In the story of the "Good Samaritan" (See Luke 10:30-37) people took great strides to step around a helpless man in order to avoid helping him. We do this too, don't we? We step around the difficult relative, the disorderly neighbor, the unruly teenager. We step around dealing with life many times in an effort to keep peace.
-What about "stepping on"? As when we "step on" the gas to speed ahead and get somewhere quicker. We can "step on" the gas often in life and overstep what God wants for us because we are in such a hurry to get to the finish line, we are desperate to reach the end of the story. After all, we are a society of instant gratification. We may even convince our self that something is God's will because we don't want to wait for an answer or we fear His answer and ours won't line up. We can also feel "stepped on" as we attempt to do and balance more than God ever intended for us.
-We "step through" certain phases of life and may emerge victorious or wounded in the process.
-There will be times we "step up" in a time of need. As a believer in Christ we will take one giant "step up" to see our Savior face to face one day.
-When we "step down", it may be because we realize it's someone elses turn to "step up". By the way, "stepping down" is not always a bad thing. We may need to "step down" before we "step up".
-Then there is "stepping out" and that is our primary theme from the conference we just held. God calls ALL believers to step out of their comfort zone and tell a sin cursed world about Him. In Part II of Stepping Out, I will continue with discussing in more detail, the call to "step out"

The Countdown begins.....

2009-08-01T08:43:00.002-04:00

I have not blogged in over a month because I am just overwhelmed and haven't been able to turn to the right or the left, often not even able to form a sentence that makes sense. So, I'll give it my best shot today. The countdown begins for two special events in my life that will take place in the next couple of months. The first event to take place is a women's conference in Lake City, where my friend Barbara (www.theivypath.blogspot.com) has asked me to be one of the guest speakers. I will be writing more on this later. But for now I just want you to know that I don't take this task lightly. I am so unworthy to do this and have confided in Barbara that I have felt completely defeated on more than one occasion since she first asked me to be a part of this ministry. Can I just stop right here and ask you to pray for me....pray for God to keep me ever humble during this time and to anoint any words that would come out of my mouth, for those words to only be words that would glorify and honor our Savior. Aside from being overwhelmed by this, I'm also excited. Several of the women that are helping with this ministry and that will be attending this ministry, knew me before I knew Him. The whole theme of my blog "Who I am Instead" is that I know who I was presalvation, but that through Christ, I am a new creation...and even though I haven't "arrived" anywhere (I am a continuous work in progress), God is constantly purging the "ugly" out of me and for that I am thankful. The second event will take place on October 24th when my only daughter will be marrying a beautiful man named Joe! I absolutely can't wait to have him and his wonderful family in our lives. BUT, those of you that know me, know that I'm a "Mary", usually content to sit and listen and soak up life, not "do" (as Martha).....I'm working hard to incorporate some "Martha" in me and I pray daily for God to make me a "doer" but I am also very much a work in progress there. So, as excited as I am about this special day (that will take place in 84 days to be exact), I am also terrified that I'll fail my daughter with all my inadequacies. Starting today, me and her have a task to take care of every day until "the big day"...Many members of my church family and friends outside of my church have asked if they can do something to help me. I haven't contacted you to help because it feels like we've got to eat an elephant. As a matter of fact, I wrote in my journal recently, "I've got a whole elephant to eat, guess I'll start taking a bite at a time". Please don't think because you haven't heard from me that I've got it all figured out, quite the opposite. O.K., so this post is starting to sound a little frazzled....let's just suffice it to say that I covet any prayers you send my way right now and that I know that even though I am not able or capable of doing many things, my God is able.

"Your Life in Rhythm" by Bruce Miller

2009-07-27T10:44:00.003-04:00

This book is 231 pages long and written by founder and Senior Pastor at McKinney Fellowship. The author's intention in his writing is to encourage the reader to move away from the daily struggle of attempting to balance life in an endlessly chaotic world. Rather, the author encourages the reader to go with the flow, or natural grain of life. The author refers to this natural grain as the "rhythm of life". Rhythm is explained in great detail at the beginning of the book. Then in subsequent chapters, two branches of rhythm are described - chronos and kairos rhythm. I found this book to be very encouraging and enlightening. It was a great reminder to seize the day and accept the stage of life I'm in now. Portions of the book tend to be repetitive. At the conclusion of the book, the author offers a study and appendixes to enable the reader to put it all together. I would recommend this book to anyone struggling to find perfect balance in day to day life.

"God's Little Princess Devotional Bible" by Sheila Walsh

2009-06-21T09:04:00.002-04:00

This little devotional Bible is written with a little girl in mind that needs to know who she is through Christ, a princess. The cover is hardback with a crown on the cover and a pink jewel embedded in the crown. The book is 337 pages filled with well known Bible stories as well as an introduction to parents in how this book can be used as a daily devotional with your little girl. Other notable features of this devotional book: "Down in my heart", which features songs that most children learn in church and ties those songs in with scripture, "Beauty Secrets", this includes tips on being beautiful (not just on the outside, but inside as well), "Bible Princesses", this illustrates various women throughout the Bible that made a difference, "My Hero", demonstrates scriptures that contains the promises of God, "Take a Bow" is mostly for fun, gives girls tips on how to make quick and easy costumes that are Bible focused, "I Adore you" puts energy to use with worship and praise songs, "Princess Charming" teaches manners and charm, "Worthy of Love" shows how to love others, "Royal Truths" demonstrates basic values straight from the Bible. This book caters to girls age 4-7 but could be used to illustrate simple truths to girls into adulthood. It was written by well known christian author, Sheila Walsh who is a member of the "Women of Faith" team that travels throughout the states ministering to women.

And the Winner is..... (Drumroll please....)

2009-06-19T05:03:00.001-04:00

BARB HARVILL!!!!

She guessed it when she said the title of the song is "Trouble Is" by Jars of Clay.
(Thanks Barb for indulging my silliness!)

Can you guess the group and song title?

2009-06-18T19:05:00.002-04:00

O.K., I don't know why but this song was on my mind this evening. As a matter of fact, this song was the pilot for the title of my blog. I thought for fun, we would play this game once in awhile (something different anyway). I have always loved music, it ministers to me in ways that you can't imagine. So? Can you guess the group that sings this song and the title? Sorry, unlike Deb, I don't have any prize to give you if you guess it right, except to say that you are the winner and announce it in big bold letters on my blog :)

My wings don't sail me to the sky
On my own these wings won't fly
Jesus told me so
Still I'm not so sure that I know

Can't find no rest for my soul
Can't find no rest on my own
Jesus told me so
Still I'm not so sure that I know

Man, the trouble is
We don't know who we are instead

I'll keep runnin' the other way
My heart ain't built to stay
My heart ain't built to stay
And the world just ain't that way

My heart ain't built to stay
My heart ain't built to stay
Jesus told me so

A Day to Remember at Tallulah Gorge

2009-06-17T13:40:00.002-04:00

We arrived at "Cottontail Cottage" on a Saturday evening. We were all tired by the time we got there after 7 hours of driving and just the anticipation of a much needed vacation. We had all been counting down the days until this time. Like every road trip with family, I dreamed of being the "Cleaver's" but by the time we arrived, we were more like the "Osbourne's" (minus the potty mouth). I was tired, feeling taken for granted....I had worked so hard for this time and even though the scenery was absolutely beautiful, things between Mike and I were a little strained. I was worn out from having to watch road signs instead of the beautiful mountain scenery. I'm sure Mike was worn out from having to watch the road in unfamiliar mountainous terrain, instead of viewing the scenery. He was probably also worn out from my constant criticism of his driving. I was sad when my head hit the pillow on Tuesday night, our trip up until then had been anything but romantic. I would look at our own children with their future spouses and think silently to myself, "Seize the day, that was once us". I prayed for Mike and I as I drifted off to sleep that night...I prayed that we could love and enjoy one another's company. Then the next morning (Wednesday), I prayed that God would enable me to keep my mouth shut. Wednesday was completely different. The mood was light from the time we woke up. I knew we had intended to hike into Tallulah Gorge all week and I had said things to Mike (kinda jokingly, kinda not) like "Do you think you can do it..." We hiked down into the gorge (I forget how many thousand steps it is into the gorge), by the time we hit the bottom of the stairs, my legs were shaking. When we reached bottom, we went through the gate and would have to cross boulders in order to go into the bottom of the gorge. I froze....all of a sudden I was totally dependent on God and Mike. Mike looked at me and said, "We can do this". All of a sudden I was reminded of how safe and protected I've always felt with Mike as my husband. I was reminded that he is still very much the man that I fell in love with in 1984 - almost 25 years ago. I got to see the bravery of my husband and of my son as they both guided Stephanie and I across the slippery and wobbly rocks of a very swift river fed by a very large waterfall (called the "Hurricane). I began thanking God for His gentle reminders and from that moment on our vacation changed. This was an experience that I will always treasure. Mike said that when he counsels married couples in the future, he is going to recommend a hike into the gorge.

Our Vacation at Cottontail Cottage....

2009-06-17T13:09:00.004-04:00

Our family plus our future son-in-law and future daughter-in-law, just returned from 7 wonderful days spent at a little cottage in the valley located near Clayton, Georgia. This cottage came highly recommended by a friend that has visited there on a routine basis over the past 4-5 years. If you go to the website for the cottage (www.cottontailcottage.com), you can see pictures and get contact information. Peter and Debbie advertise the cottage as a "little piece of heaven"....they weren't far from the truth. As we drove to the cottage, we drove through the valley with beautiful mountains as far as the eye could see surrounding the area. When we arrived, their was a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on the table with a large plate of the best homemade cookies that I've ever eaten. The front porch to the cottage has rocking chairs and faces several bird feeders where every bird imaginable comes to feast throughout the day, along with a chipmunk or two. If you walk a couple of houses to the left of the cottage, you will see Sylvan Mills with a beautiful waterfall in the front yard, if you walk about 1/2 miles to the right of the cottage, you will see Black Rock Lake, a beautiful lake where you can fish, or take a hike (it has a trail that completely surrounds it)....a short drive from there is Black Rock Mountain State Park, a beautiful state park with several trails and some beautiful views from the mountain top. The owner's also supply linens, towels, bath soap, dish soap, laundry detergent, and paper goods. It is a fully supplied cabin with all the amenities of home. The temperature while in Clayton only reached as high as 85 (most of the people living there were complaining that it was too hot and that this was unusual). There were several neat sites to see within a short distance (an hour or less) from the cottage. There is the Dillard House which is known for it's family style foods. In Helen, Georgia is "Little Germany", it is a replica of Germany with many neat shops (but appeals mostly to the tourist. Even more intriguing on your way to Helen is Saute, where you will find some neat shops and some authentic and well made items. Two great restaurants to try while in Clayton are Granny's Kountry Kitchen where everything is cooked as ordered and only fresh vegetables are used (no canned goods). Also, "Mama G's", great Italian Food. If you are interested in flea market's or shopping for antiques, I suggest you go to Franklin, North Carolina (only about 30 minutes away) and if you are interested in hiking, you might go on some of the trails, our favorite was Tallulah Gorge (see blog about this later). I highly recommend this area if you want to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and your usual "man-made" tourist attractions.

"Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

2009-06-02T20:13:00.002-04:00

This little book is a devotional book for each day of the year written from the journals of a young modern day missionary by the name of
Sarah Young. The book is in hard book form with a very appealing cover and is small enough to carry in your purse or a book bag. It is 382 pages long with an introduction from the author explaining how and why this book was written. This book came to be as Sarah went about her day to day travels and became aware of her Savior talking to her in a still, small voice on a daily basis.

I really enjoy this book as part of my devotional time because it demonstrates a God that does know us intimately. It is written in the context as if Jesus himself is speaking directly to me. Many of the writings are pertinent to events in my own life at present. At the end of each day is scripture context that go along with Sarah's writings for that day. This scripture context is particularly helpful if you are interested in scripture memorization or if you just need a Word of encouragement for the day.

Not only is this book a great addition to your own daily devotional reading but would make a great gift for that special someone.

Are you serving with love?

2009-05-18T10:30:00.003-04:00

I think I mentioned it before, but when you are my age you are allowed to repeat yourself (and pretend you didn't know better)...so here goes...I'm going to say it again...

We are smitten with Joe, our future son-in-law! We absolutely adore him and can't wait for him to be our son. Our own son can't wait for Joe to be his brother! We all just love him. Even better, we love his family....the few times we've had the pleasure to be in their company, we've shared much laughter.

Over the past weeks God has given me a wonderful opportunity to mentor my daughter as she prepares for marriage. There is so much to learn. She has wanted to read every book I own on becoming a virtuous woman. She is absolutely excited about taking care of Joe, washing his clothes, fixing his meals, etc. The other day Joe was at our home and she had agreed to wash some of his clothes, he was sitting at the dining room table as she threw his clothes quickly into the dryer. She was very tired as she looked at him and said, "I am not washing these clothes with love!" They both began laughing and I knew this was some sort of inside joke or conversation between them. Joe began to explain that when he was still at home, his mother would come in tired (like most of us) from a long day of work and begin to fix the evening meal. She would be opening and closing cabinets and Joe's father would look at him and whisper, "I don't think she's going to cook this meal with love".

I don't know why but that story struck me as so comical. How often do we serve (whether at home or in our community) and not do so with love? I cannot speak for anyone else, but as for me...not very often. Yesterday while reading my Bible, I stumbled upon this verse, "Better is a dish of vegetables where love is, than a fattened ox served with hatred" (Proverbs 15:17). This is such a vivid reminder of the attitude in which God wants us to serve. If we are serving out of mere duty and not out of love, then why bother. Prayerfully, I must consider some small areas in which I'm serving now out of duty and not love and ask God for a heart change or the boldness to move on to an area where I can serve out of love. For instance, I have a Compassion child that I adopted because I was talked into it by a family member. I have only written this child twice and did not send Christmas money to my child (sorry Barb, if you are reading this you are probably horrified). I have not been a good parent to my Compassion child thus far and I'm sure someone out there would have been. When we don't serve out of love, we stand in the path of someone that would.

"Christianity in Crisis 21st Century" by Hank Hanegraff

2009-05-11T09:38:00.002-04:00

In this book, Hank Hanegraaff does a very adequate job of exposing a rising movement popular in our so called "christian" culture of today. According to the author, the "Word of faith" movement is on the rise and is endorsed by the media and many political sectors. The movement encompasses a vast array of "prosperity" preachers.

At first glance, I was overwhelmed. This book is 347 pages and I was sure that a book of this size was bound to be redundant on this subject matter. The author does repeat himself on several occasions throughout the book but I feel the repetition was necessary to drive home his overall point - Christians today are in crisis if they don't recognize the cultic movement on the rise around them.

I was both enlightened and saddened regarding various "evangelicals" caught up in the "Word of faith" movement. The author lumps pastors such as Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyers, and Rod Parsley with those caught up in the New Age movement. The author states, "While Faith preachers such as Osteen have noteworthy differences from New Agers such as Vitale and Byrne, they are united in the belief that the force of faith is so powerful that even the Master of the Universe is bound by it's irrevocable reality." The book was informative, but did have an "in your face" approach and even though he uses scripture throughout his book to support his statements, I would recommend (as with any book), that it be read as looking at the opinion of another, not fact.

It's all about HIM!

2009-05-06T08:53:00.003-04:00

Colossians 1:16 says, "Through His power all things were made-things in Heaven and on earth, things seen and unseen, all powers, authorities, lords, and rulers. All things were made through Christ and FOR Christ." (NCV)

Corrie Ten Boom who was a captive by the Nazi's as a child once said, "There is no panic in heaven". We can get caught up with the things of this world and start look at the devil as the ultimate victor...but keep reading the Word, it will tell you who wins the final battle. God made it all and knows it all. There is nothing that surprises Him and nothing or no one on this earth was made without His knowledge.

Not only were all things made "through Christ" but even more important is that all things were made "for Christ". If you've ever read the book titled, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, you may recall the first sentence in the first chapter. I'll never forget it...it hit me like a ton of bricks....it says, "It's not about me!" Our surroundings tell us different. Our world tells us that "it's only about me"....how many conversations do you have with others where every sentence starts with "I"....

As a child of God, I need to get over myself and put the focus on Him and Him alone.

But God, I don't like roller coasters....(A plea for prayer).

2009-04-28T19:08:00.003-04:00

It has been a roller coaster of a ride over the past 2 weeks, as Uncle Tharon has been in the hospital. I have copied excerpts from my written journal to adequately portray the "ride"....

April 15th - Uncle Tharon went into the hospital for a routine diagnostic procedure and was sitting on the bed in hospital room, waiting for a friend to return to the room and walk him to the car as he was being discharged home today....when his friend returned, Uncle Tharon was "grey", the nurses came in...long story short, he ended up with emergency surgery for stent placement and 2 serious heart attacks later was transferred to another hospital for ICU purposes. I think it is a miracle in itself, that all this occurred before Uncle Tharon even made it home, PRAISE GOD! They are only giving him 24 hours to live at this point. Mike and I went to the hospital, visited with family, visited Uncle Tharon...he wasn't even aware we were there.

April 19th - Uncle Tharon surpassed the "24 hours to live" mark, it's Sunday and he is still holding on. I didn't get to visit him today but Mike has been several times. I marvel at the family and thank God that he placed me in such a precious family.

April 24th - Uncle Tharon has taken a turn for the worse and will be unplugged from his breathing support tomorrow. I know God is sovereign, if that machine is unplugged and God wills for Uncle Tharon to breathe on his own, he will....otherwise God will take him home. I am ashamed that I dared to question God when I found out Uncle Tharon would be unplugged tomorrow, I even thought to myself, "Why didn't Uncle Tharon just die on that Wednesday when we were told that he only had 24 hours to live". BUT, who am I to question an all knowing, all seeing God. God knows why Uncle Tharon had to tarry.....

April 25th - Note to self: Nothing happens unless God wills it and God is never surprised by anything! They unplugged Uncle Tharon today. They were fully expecting that he would not be able to breathe on his own. I had to work, I told Mike not to call me at work with bad news, I just didn't want to blubber and cry all day at work. Mike called me at 5:30 p.m. When I first heard his voice, my first thought was, "I told you not to call", before I could finish the thought, he said, "I know you told me not to call, but they unplugged Uncle Tharon today." Sarcastically I thought, "That's why I didn't want you to call", again, before I could finish that thought, Mike said, "And he started breathing on his own and trying to talk to everyone." Why am I surprised, I am the one that told everyone to "pray believing".

April 26th - Mike, myself, and my sister-in-law Barbara, went to see Uncle Tharon today. He struggled to talk and his hands kept jerking. I feared he may be having a seizure. But, he recognized us. We didn't stay in the room long, wanted him to conserve his energy, mostly visited with family.

April 28th - (a.m.) Uncle Tharon's kidneys are not functioning well and the toxins are building up in his kidneys and causing him to have spasms - that would explain why his hands were jerking when we visited on Sunday. Today they are moving him from ICU to a hospice unit. anything related to hospice always seems so final, but that's up to the Master Physician.

April 28th - (p.m.) I'm in a slump that I can't seem to break out of....Mike and Riley are on their way in to see Uncle Tharon. I stayed home since I have to be up super early for work in the morning. I ended up diving into some left over Easter candy (stress eating is my downfall). I've never liked roller coasters and emotional roller coasters are no different. Uncle Tharon has been moved now to hospice, his kidneys aren't working and the doctors are saying that he has two days to live with his kidneys not working as they should. Nothing has changed between me and God, but I have asked "why" alot lately, not because God doesn't know what he is doing, but because I'm just nosy that way.

As I began writing this, I received a phone call from a cousin telling me that Uncle Tharon is not expected to make it through the night. If God wills for him to go home tonight, please pray for him to be comfortable and depart this earth knowing he was loved by so many....regardless of what happens, pray that God be glorified through it.

He did that just for me!

2009-04-21T08:16:00.002-04:00

One of God's attributes, among many, that I marvel at is that He is accessible. His Word tells us in 1 John 5:14: "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." For more than 15 years I have commuted to a job in Downtown Jacksonville. This problem will seem trivial and silly to most, but if you've had to commute on I-10 to the 95 merger, you know that it can be more than a little "tricky"....each day that I would commute, I would ask God to help me get into the correct lane at the right time. I don't think it was mere coincidence that in all these years, the correct lane would seem to clear of heavy traffic just as I needed to merge. Construction has been going on for some time in this area, which seemed to only complicate the problem. Until...one day about a few months ago, I noticed that with the new construction, once I get into a particular lane of traffic on I-10, I simply stay in that lane and it takes me safely to my destination. No more hopping 3-4 lanes of traffic to be where I need to be! Every morning, I marvel and say, "Wow God, you did this just for me, Thank you!". This is such a vivid reminder that God truly does care about the little things...but there is another part to that verse that is important, "if we ask anything according to His will". I don't know about you, but this is often difficult. Especially when our will doesn't line up with God's. I have learned through the years that God has our good at heart, even if it doesn't seem so at the time and even if it involves trials and tribulations. God is our ultimate parent....and as parents, we all know that if we gave our children what they want simply because they want it, it wouldn't always be a good thing. I have many things that I'm praying "God's will" over right now. I don't know what His will is but I know it will be what's best.

A Beautiful Day!

2009-04-12T18:03:00.003-04:00

It was already a beautiful day! I woke up excited...anticipating going to Easter service! Easter is such a vivid reminder for me of what Jesus did for me on the cross! I was also excited because I was going to have my entire family with me for Easter dinner after church. This included my son and his girlfriend Stephanie, my daughter and her boyfriend Joe, Joe's mother, Sandra (his father had to work today), my mother-in-law, my husband and myself. The church service was wonderful...the music was heart touching, the message preached by Brother Johnny was beautiful and thought provoking....Right after the service we were standing in the church....Shanna had walked away to talk to someone, I saw Joe looking through his mother's purse for something and then her pass him a small box as she was trying to converse with me! I said, "What are ya'll up to"....she whispered, "The ring"....I said, "YOU MEAN 'THE RING, THE RING'?" She said with much enthusiasm "YES!"....I could hardly contain myself....Joe had already met me and Mike for lunch one day and asked if he could marry our daughter....now he was about to give my unknowing daughter (the one that always ruins a surprise), the RING! I thought he was probably going to come back to the house and give it to her as we all sat around the table eating Easter dinner....Everyone arrived at the house but Shanna and Joe. I asked Sandra (Joe's mother), "Where are they?"...she said, "Oh, he wanted to give her the ring where they went on their first date, at church"....Shortly after, Shanna and Joe arrived, Shanna with huge tears of joy in her eyes! I can't begin to tell you how blessed we are....we have prayed for godly mates for both of our children and God has blessed us! Joe has to be hand picked by God for our Shanna, because we couldn't have picked near as well!

Second Chances.....

2009-03-29T15:17:00.003-04:00

I marvel at how "on time" God is. I marvel at the message our youngest pastor taught today. For the past three weeks Dale has been teaching from the pulpit on "Family Worship". In a nutshell, it is the responsibility of the parents to "train up a child in the way he/she should go". It is not the responsibility of the pastor, the Sunday School teacher, youth leader, school teacher, or coach to perform this task. It is a God given responsibility of the parents. I know I will be a bit over descriptive when I say that I felt like my heart was going to crack wide open as Dale taught the first two weeks. I felt defeated and weary as I analyzed my failures as a parent. My oldest did not have a christian mother until she was 14 years old and I have grieved often over the missed worship time and the missed godly teaching that should have been. BUT....today's message restored my hope! Dale read from Psalm 78:1-8. The verses that spoke to me most were verses 6 through 8, which says, "That the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they might arise and tell their children. That they should put their confidence in God, and not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments, and not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, A generation that did not prepare it's heart and whose spirit was not faithful to God."
THIS I KNOW....I can't change the past but I can cling to God's promises for the future. I can do all things through God who strengthens me to ensure that the generation to come (my future grandchildren) put their confidence in God. I praise God for second chances...the chance to share my "God story" with a precious little one and to set up a legacy as a woman who loves the Lord!

Weary.....

2009-03-22T11:54:00.003-04:00

I'm weary.....and I have a feeling the battle has just begun. I'm weary of my surroundings, weary of smiling when I want to cry, weary of watching loved ones hurt needlessly, weary from watching society, namely "Christians", turn a blind eye to their surroundings for the sake of tolerance, weary from the constant battle between diet and exercise in order to be healthy, weary from the quest for youth, weary from watching so many rebellious adult children (rebelling against everything...God, parents, authority), ...... I'm just plain weary. My weariness leaves me two choices (1) Wallow in it OR (2) Pray through it! The verse I'm clinging to is Galatians 6:9 which says, "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time, we will reap if we do not grow weary".....
Dear Lord, help me not to grow weary and to seek your face during this time!

Are we there yet?

2009-03-08T05:31:00.002-04:00

Many times when I've read my Bible and seen incident after incident where God had to put an end to evil by wiping out the entire area that was involved in grievous sin, I find myself thinking, "Are we there yet"? Only God knows but I would say we are leaps and bounds closer everyday. Here are a few highlights from the news in Nov/Dec 2008:

1) "Employee at Walmart trampled to death as customers rush in for Black Friday sales"...customers were angry that the store had to be closed while the body was removed after they had been waiting in line for hours.

2) Jewish missionary couple killed in India.

3) Shootout in store on Black Friday (California)....Did someone take the last Wi?

4) Jacksonville, Florida....26 police involved shootings since Jan 2008. I can assure you, the police aren't using these kids for target practice....Yet...their family members cry and plead on national television, "Why did they (police) kill my baby?" Never mind that thier "baby" had their gun pulled on the officer. I'll bet the officer has a mom and dad too!

5) Jacksonville, Florida....."Homeless don't buy tickets"....in this article found in "Rants and Raves" column, a person expresses frustration over the Jaguar Cheerleaders serving the homeless in the community food on Thanksgiving. The person states, "they aren't ticket buyers and I am....I think I should be served"

So, once again, are we there yet? Maybe not but certainly getting closer every day!

No News is Good News...BUT...This news was God news!

2009-03-08T05:06:00.002-04:00

Jeremiah 26:7-9 says, "the priest, the prophets, and all the people heard Jeremiah speak these words in the house of the Lord. But as soon as Jeremiah finished telling all the people everything the Lord had commanded him to say, the priests, the prophets, and all the people seized him and said, 'You must die, why do you prophesy in the Lord's name that this house will be like Shiloh and this city will be desolate and deserted?' And all the people crowded around Jeremiah in the house of the Lord"

Jeremiah did what God told him to do (not what man told him to do). He went to the courtyard and told all the people of Judah that came to worship that if they didn't turn from their wicked ways, their city would be cursed. Hard words to hear if you were among the wicked, huh? Jeremiah was a prophet and mighty man of God. He was given strict orders to deliver this message verbatim or else! This was certainly not the first time that Jeremiah had delivered this message but it would be the last if the people didn't listen. The people of Judah made it their custom to go to the court yard to go to the courtyard BUT they didn't want to hear the truth. Isn't this just like man today? We want to come to church and worship BUT often forbid our pastors to speak truth. I thank God for pastors that speak truth from the pulpit each day and lift them up in prayer that they will continue to do so!

He's my Jack Bauer, "24" and "7"

2009-02-25T09:29:00.003-05:00

Several years ago I watched my first episode of "24" and I have been a fan ever since. For those not familiar with the show, I'll brief you...it is called "24" because there are 24 episodes in a season. Each episode is supposed to represent an hour in real time where the hero, Jack Bauer, is sacrificing his own life hourly to save the world. I must say it is a little too violent some times. Being someone that has craved peace my entire life, you probably would not expect me to partake of such a show...BUT...it's the hero, the knight in shining armor, Jack Bauer...that I'm drawn to. God has blessed me with my own "Jack Bauer" and his name is Mike. Recently I told him, "Thank you for making me feel safe and protected all these years". You see, that was very important to me. I grew up in a home without a father figure until I was 13 years old and until that time I very seldom felt "safe". That changed when I met Mike, I have felt secure and protected at all times, but even beyond that...I have shared laughter that I had not known before and felt loved immensely. Thank you my sweet man for being my hero!

Attributes of God - His Omniscience (part I)

2009-02-23T11:59:00.002-05:00

I have been studying the attributes of God (or perfections of God)....As I poured through these, my favorite was this one...God is omniscient! Omniscience means that God knows everything, things actual and possible, effortlessly and equally well. There was a time as a non-believer that I cringed when I thought about this....just knowing that I had taken God places that I shouldn't have and that He knew things, that in my eyes made me so unlovable! BUT as a believer, what a blessing it is to know that we don't have to worry about tomorrow. God knows all things....He knows what will happen, He knows what might have happened. Nothing in my life (or yours if you are a believer) will come to light and surprise God and cause Him to cast me out. At present I have been reading excerpts from a book called "Basic Theology", it talks about things that I can't wrap my mind around on most days but this particular quote from that book made perfect sense to me and made me want to shout! "No talebearer can inform on us; no enemy can make an accusation stick; no forgotten skeleton can come tumbling out of some hidden closet to abash us and expose our past; no unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since He knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us." WOW...I don't know about you but I view that as some heavy stuff!
Knowing this character of God should make us even more sensitive to His warnings and sober us up when we consider that we all will stand before an all-knowing God!

How to live a long and prosperous life....

2009-02-16T09:37:00.003-05:00

Part of my daily bible reading on Feb 14 was Psalm 34: 11-22. The version I am reading from is the New Living Translation and I love the way this portion of scripture read. Verse 12 asks, "does anyone want to live a long and prosperous life?" I can't imagine anyone answering "no" to that question. The remainder of the verses tell you how to do such and how much God esteems His children and protects them. I am a list maker so I composed a list from the scripture that tells us how to live a long and prosperous life:

1) Keep your tonque from speaking evil (verse 13) (I'm sure this includes gossip, slander, etc.)
2) Keep your lips from telling lies (verse 13)
3) Turn away from evil and do good (verse 14)...(this means literally running from those things we know for certain are evil and yes, those things we think may be evil as well).
4) Search for peace, and work to maintain it (verse 14)...(so peace will not come without work!

Isn't it amazing that God's Word, His Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, contain everything we need for day to day living!

I can hardly contain myself!!!!

2009-02-11T14:55:00.002-05:00

Oh my Goodness! I am so excited....about a month or so ago, a friend at church that coach's girls softball came to me and asked if I would be willing to teach a small group for a few weeks to the girls softball team (9th and 10th grade). I accepted the challenge with some reservation....didn't hear from my friend for awhile and just assumed that the plan had fizzled out or she had found someone more capable. Let me explain, I am about the most non-athletic person you will ever meet! I was the one that kids chose last to be on their team in physical education. And...it never got better. As an adult, I fell numerous times while attempting to roller skate with my children (my oldest finally said, "Mom, maybe you should just sit and relax a while).....I attempted water skiing in my younger years but was so "bottom heavy", just couldn't figure out how to get this big booty of mine out of the water! Later, went snow skiing....was in the beginner's class and feel down a slope while our instructor was teaching us how to simply stand properly on our ski's....no one ever even missed me (at this point, I opted to sit in the cabin and sip cocoa!) Oh, and I almost forgot....several years ago when I was physically fit....I got over confident and decided I would try "cycling"....the class on my first day consisted of two people....two nice looking gentlemen (one of who was the instructor). I was seated between these two men and felt pretty sure that this would be "oh so easy".....within mere seconds I was "sweating" (and I don't sweat).....no one told me that when you stand on the cycle that you don't pedal as fast as you do when you are sitting.....when we approached our first "stand and cycle", my foot got caught in the pedal and I fell off the bike....Can I just tell you that not only did I do this once during this class, but twice! I'm sure it was all these two men could do to contain themselves.
Anyway, tonight is my first night teaching these young ladies and I need all the prayer I can get....I thought, "Boy, does God have a sense of humor...using some one like me to teach them". Then my husband reminded me that we all have to be team players in life, whether we are athletic or not!

I Love Jesus, but......

2009-02-06T08:54:00.002-05:00

O.K....I'll go ahead and admit it! I am a "FBJ" (Facebook Junkie)....I have to allot myself only a certain amount of time or I could be looking up old friends and conversing with them all day long! Today when I went on facebook, a couple of friends had posted a video from the "Ellen Degeneres Show"....this particular video was called "I love Jesus but I drink a little". Out of curiousity I viewed the video and laughed till I almost cried! In this video an elderly woman calls in and gives Ellen advice about how to make her set look better. The next day Ellen calls the woman back and as they get into their talk, the elderly woman say, "You know, I love Jesus, but I drink a little"....I initially posted the video on my facebook profile, then after posting it...I started fretting that someone (particularly the ladies I teach in Sunday School) would think I was endorsing an entertainer that has a belief system contrary to mine...so... that said, I deleted the video from my profile. However, I could not delete the words from my mind that dear little old lady spoke, "I love Jesus, BUT, I drink a little". It made me consider what we say with our actions and words every day if not held accountable....in essence, I love Jesus, BUT....I love something else more...whether it be alcohol, food, drugs, relationships, career, etc....Anything we love more than Jesus is sin....plain and simple.....Matthew 7:21 says, "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." This is a promise we can cling to. We will not enter the gates of heaven by claiming to love Jesus, because....we do not love Him if we love something else more.

"On Call" (Living ready!)

2009-01-24T09:21:00.002-05:00

I am a nurse in a very busy Labor & Delivery unit. Today I have the privilege of being "on call". "On Call" works like this: You put your name on the calendar for a day you are scheduled to work, if the census is low that day, you can stay home "on call" with the understanding that you should be ready at all times lest you be called in to work at any time. For many nurses, when they are told they can stay home "on call", they can roll over and go back to sleep. This has never been the case for me! I feel an urgency to be ready! I'll get up, get dressed and literally get my house in order in case I receive a call to come into work at any time. I would venture as far as to say that more is accomplished when I am "on call" than any other time. I love those rare opportunities when I am "on call" because I love being home. It is my safe haven and where those I love most reside. Being on call, you have this sense of dread because you know that you could be called in at any moment, leaving the comfort of your home at any time. Whether we realize it, we all live life "on call". We will all be called home one day and have no idea when (for only God can number our days). Our readiness on earth will determine which home we are called to when we depart. Many will roll over, go back to sleep - as if they are not "on call" and when that call comes they won't be ready, they'll end up being late - too late! Others will live ready and "sober"! There are scriptures throughout the Bible that point for the need to be ready and sober but first I want to define these two words. To be ready is be prepared for action..."sober" means "marked by moderation, temperance, or seriousness". I Peter 5:8 says " Be of sober spirt, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." Matthew 22:44 talks about our reason for "living ready"..."For this reason, you also must be ready; for the Son of Man is coming at an hour when you do not think He will." Both of these scriptures have "sobering" advice for the believer and non-believer...
Many will live as believers in Christ, ready for the call! When the call comes, we will leave with anticipation knowing that greater things than what this world has to offer awaits us! While on earth we are called to accomplish much until we receive "The call"....With urgency and great motivation we are to tell others about "the call" so that they too can be ready!
I Peter 3:15 says, "but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence."

My Only Resolution.....

2009-01-22T20:21:00.002-05:00

O.K., I haven't been doing so good with the blogging lately...been going through a dry spell. I tried desperately prior to the New Year to come up with a list of resolutions but only settled on one....to grow closer in my walk with God. One thing christian author and speaker, Beth Moore, has challenged us to do is memorize scripture (see the LPM blog in the sidebar for more info). I have always wanted to memorize scripture but always had some poor excuse why I couldn't. We have a night of praise one Sunday a month...at this time people can sing a song, read a poem, perform and skit, give a testimony, etc.....the most memorable "Night of Praise" was a couple of months ago when a young man by the name of Joel stood up and recited the entire Chapter 8 of the Book of Romans....FROM MEMORY....not only did he recite it but he did so with passion. This particular chapter of the Bible is relatively long. This struck a cord with me and made me think about how privileged we are in America to have Bibles EVERYWHERE, but also how for granted we take that privilege. It also made me think about the possibility of not having God's written Word. I thought about Joel bravely and passionately reciting the Bible that night...you know, if in America we are ever denied the Word of God, or if it is snatched from us, Joel will have Romans Chapter 8 in his heart and mind to cling to. With that in mind, I know that scripture memory is something I need to pursue. So, twice a month (on the 1st and 15th), I go to the "LPM" Blog, sign in and state the scripture I plan to memorize over the next two weeks. It is amazing how much understanding and clarity comes to scripture when you commit it to memory. If you are interested in memorizing scripture, I challenge you to do the same. If you are interested in doing so through the LPM blog site, just go to the blog site on the 1st and 15th of each month. You can pick your own scripture to memorize or memorize one that Beth Moore chooses. By the end of the year you will have memorized 24 scriptures. WOW!

I want my mama....

2008-12-22T16:33:00.003-05:00

In yesterday's newspaper, the front page and a large article were devoted to a young man from our home town by the name of Milton Johnson. Milton was paralyzed from the neck down in August 08 during football practice. A young coach, who was one of several witnesses to the injury, recalls Milton's barely audible words on the field following his injury that day. Just minutes before rescue arrived, Milton said, "I want my mama". My heart broke as I read this...just a couple of days ago, I woke up thinking about my own mama. She left this earth in 1998, just 2 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. I was thinking about all she sacrificed for me through the years....She was a divorced mother rearing two small children and she did this completely alone for 9 years (that is when she married the only man I ever knew as a father). During the 9 years that me and my younger brother, Billy, had mom to our self, she worked 2-3 jobs. I always had food in my belly, clothes on my back, and her unfailing love. I can remember her praying at my bedside on numerous occasions. She never applied for outside help from the government during this time (although she certainly was a candidate). So many times I find myself crying, "I want my mama", just like Milton Johnson did. When I woke up thinking about her the other morning, I thought of Psalm 139:2 "...you understand my thought from afar"....since God knows what I was thinking this morning, is it quite possible that God relays those thoughts to my mother? Only God knows...I can only ponder this side of heaven what His dialogue with my mother might look like...but I can rest assured that I will see her face again one day...then I will behold His face as well! As the song says, "I can only imagine!"

"Daughter's of Zion"

2008-12-13T14:58:00.003-05:00

Today my friend, Deb and I had a brunch at our home for our Sunday School class that we team teach together. I hesitate to say that we "teach" anything because let me assure you that prayer is lifted up every Sunday morning that God teach "through" us and that we not teach in our own strength. Also, I would say that this group of women teach us far more than we can ever teach them...about life, love, and honoring God. I am so proud of each and everyone of them. The brunch was scheduled to start at 10:00 a.m. and at 10:05 there were only two or maybe three women present. My sweet husband said that as he sat on the front porch that he prayed that God would fill our home with our Sunday school class members. Before I knew it, my very small family room was packed with wall to wall women...laughing, sharing, and getting to know each other better. We even had two very young women present: Selena (Helen's daughter) and Sarah (Sabrina's new baby)....what a joy! With each encounter with these women, I love them more!

Battle (Lost), War (Won)

2008-12-10T14:26:00.002-05:00

Today started out like any other day. I had alot on my plate and prayed for God to stretch my day this morning...Worked on cleaning the house for awhile, was clicking along, making a nice dent in my "to do's" BUT meanwhile there was a "battle" brewing in me. The "battle" has been brewing for weeks and I've known for weeks the potential for an eruption at any moment. I even wrote out scripture in preparation for this and plastered it on my fridge. I caught myself reciting this scripture this morning: "This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" (James 1:19). I do not consider myself a "quick to anger" type of gal, but I am "quick to speak" often without first hearing. Anyway, in a matter of minutes today and very few words, I did much damage as I set out to fight my own battle. You could say that I won the battle, if the intention was to hurt the other person with my words...but I knew the moment the words left my lips that I had indeed lost the battle because I hurt this person and by doing so I hurt God. The saddest thing about hurtful words is that you can't take them back. My sweet husband came home for lunch and I unfolded the events of the morning. I could see the disappointment in his face. One of the many things that I've always loved and admired about him is that he has the ability to speak truth in love. He doesn't mince words or sugar coat words in an effort to promote peace. He could see I was hurt and terribly broken over my mistake. He could see I felt unworthy. He knows me so well. He knows that feeling of unworthiness has the capacity to make me question any and everything I do for Christ. "Should I keep teaching Sunday School", "Should I continue volunteering at the pregnancy center" "Should I even attempt to offer Godly counsel to those that are hurting when with few words, I've hurt somebody". He knew all those questions were twirling in this "pea sized" brain of mine without me even saying so. He walked over to me, cradled me in his arms and lovingly said, "This is a battle, but it's not the war". He didn't say I was exempt from asking forgiveness from the one I had hurt but those few words were a reminder that we will fight and lose many battles on this earth. If we don't die to our self daily and live to please God, we have the capacity as humans to make a mess of things quickly....BUT ultimately God will win the WAR!

A Baby Changes Everything

2008-12-05T12:31:00.001-05:00

My Friend Dana asked me to listen to this song this morning, she told me to be prepared to cry....before the end of the song, the tears came....just thinking about how much this "Baby" changed everything in my life. In order to listen to this you will need to pause the music in my sidebar....I hope your as touched as I was.

Whatever it Takes....

2008-11-17T17:52:00.003-05:00

Ezekial 35:4 says, " I will demolish your cities & make you desolate, then you will know that I am the Lord." (NLT version)

Sometimes the extreme must happen for us to see clearly the face of God. A few years ago Mike was broken for a friend. This man was full of pride. I would pray for him but could not bring myself to say three words, "Whatever it takes..." I knew this was to be an important part of my prayer for him and a very necessary part but to pray such words over him felt very hypocritical when I couldn't pray them over one of my own family members. The fear of praying those words for my own led to a season of legalistic prayer and a broken fellowship with my Lord. Finally, I submitted, and after praying "Whatever it takes" for my own, I was free to pray the same for this prideful man who so desperately needed it. Today God is doing a work in this man. I think of Job's words, "And when I am tested, I will come forth as gold". I cannot divulge the trials this man has been through or you would identify him but I can say that I trust God and that I believe that this man will come forth as gold!

The Righteous Judge

2008-11-12T09:13:00.004-05:00

Recently a friend at work told me that she had been attempting to read her Bible through and she was in the Old Testament at present. She stated, "God was really mean!" She was referring to the various areas of the Old Testament where not only did God destroy evil men but also their children, wives, and livestock. Now, I am no Bible scholar but my husband and I had discussed this before....so, my explanation to her was this: In that day, people had a great deal of influence over their wives and children and wicked schemes and seed were passed down from generation to generation. The only way to halt it was to annihilate it. I know it sounds mean and cruel and most of us enjoy viewing God as a big grandpa in the sky rather than a righteous judge. But, if you read the Bible in it's full context, you will see that people were warned numerous times before action was taken. In the book of Ezekial, Chapters 24-26, I can almost picture God sitting behind a podium with a gavel in His hand. He has had enough! At this point He has pleaded with people time and time again to turn from their wicked ways and turn back to Him...to no avail. He hands down judgement to the Ammonites, Moabites, and Philistia. We are no different today, we turn a blind eye to His truth because we love this world far more than Him. But never does he turn a blind eye to us. He sees and hears all and is no less God today than He was yesterday. AND, He is no less the righteous judge today than He was yesterday.

Smile....God is still God!

2008-11-05T07:34:00.002-05:00

As my head hit the pillow last night, my heart was burdened for our country. I think my sister Janice said it best when she said, "I've never seen Americans work so hard to give America away". I won't elaborate on the presidential race. I'm not even sure why I was surprised. For weeks now when discussing the election among christian friends, we have agreed...."We might just have to go there", referring to having a man in office that doesn't believe in Jesus and has deep Muslim roots. There is a scripture that has echoed over and over in my head over the past several months now...Deuteronomy 29:29 says "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law." God is no less God today then He was yesterday! He knows the secret things, He sees the big picture, He has the "AHA" moment in His hands....and He has given us His word so that we may know the things revealed. So, where do we go from here? Trusting our God, meditating on His word, and praying for President Obama, that he may know Him as we do. Isaiah 59:1-2 says, "Indeed, the Lord's hand is not too short to save and His ear is not too deaf to hear. But your iniquities have built barriers between you and your God, and your sins have made Him hide His face from you so that He does not listen".

The "Pinkies"

2008-10-14T09:43:00.003-04:00

The group of women pictured on my blog page are a compilation of sisters, nieces, and cousins all known as "The Pinkies"....we established our small little group of women 3 years ago after discussing a distant and deceased relative named Pinkie Baxley. I first heard about Pinkie Baxley when visiting a family graveyard in Statenville, Georgia. I thought it strange that a woman deceased so long ago would be buried beside her mother instead of her husband. I found out that she had been married several times over the years and that her and her mother had a bond that could not be broken. As I learned more about her through family members, I found out that she was tough when needed (she kept an Axe under her bed in case of emergency), but also possessed a gentle character. Thus, the "Pinkies" insignia became the axe and the magnolia to symbolize toughness and gentleness mixed together. This group of women have come to mean more and more to me over the years....when we gather yearly, we share laughter, joy, and occasionally tears. We are not always physically able to be together thru each and every trial we encounter but we are always there in heart and lifting each other up in prayer. I cannot wait until our next "Pinkie" reunion.

The Secret Things...

2008-10-08T15:40:00.003-04:00

Deuteronomy 29:29 says, "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law".

This scripture has recently become my new favorite. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night thinking and pondering about this verse. It is a reminder from my God that I don't have to be concerned with what I don't know. I've recited this verse on many occassions to a hurting friend, a wayward child, a young girl with an unwanted pregnancy, and myself. I don't have to wonder or lament over who our next President will be, our Lord already knows. He knows who or if my children will marry, how many grandchildren I will have, when and if lost family members will be saved, and He knows when I will draw my last breath. I am so thankful that I am not privy to these "secret things" or I would surely make a mess of them. But, the Lord in His kindness and mercy, does reveal things to me through His Word.

Overwhelmed....

2008-09-24T07:46:00.002-04:00

Every now in then I get in this place. This place where I am overwhelmed with life. I know that this too will pass and it is nothing in the grand scheme of things but yet I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with my failures and shortcomings as wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend....Can I whine for just a minutes please? Mike has been off most of August and the entire month of September. Me, being the dreamer, sentimentalist, and romantic that I am, envisioned the two of us having all of this time together. However, the opposite has been true. I have been busier than ever these past two months. I have waited for years to have an opportunity to teach a particular subject at the hospital....now....it's here...in September...I whined the whole months of June and July because I did not have any ultrasounds to do at the pregnancy center. I've had an overabundance of them.... in September. My sweet husband could tell I was getting anxious yesterday (something that is typically out of character for me)....He was reading a book and presented a section to me about anxiety. I looked at him and told him, "The only thing that makes me feel anxious, is that you may not feel like you got the attention you deserved while you were off these past two months." He reassured me that this was not the case. So, yes, I am overwhelmed right now....but not with the right things....I should be overwhelmed daily at how much my Savior loves and provides for me and my family. To my two blogger sisters who I adore, all I can do is ask you to pray for me....

Cherished Family Time....

2008-09-16T19:35:00.002-04:00

Mike and I just spent the most incredible weekend with my sister, Janice and brother-in-law, Seward. From the time we stepped into their home on Saturday morning we felt welcomed and loved....it was like stepping back in time. Time seemed to slow down for us as we savored conversation and a meal together. I also got to spend much needed time with my nephew Frank, he is such and exceptional gentleman. Sunday morning, we got up and ate a country breakfast with them and then went to church. I loved the music and their pastor...Often when you go to a church away from home, you are homesick for your own church. I felt so at home, the worship was much like ours and the preaching style was a cross between Brother Johnny and Brother Eddie. Brother Austin (their pastor), does not fear speaking truth in love. Following church, we visited friends of Janice and Seward's and shared another great time of fellowship and food. Did I mention, everything except for the meat and bread that we ate this weekend was taken out of the garden....it was awesome. This is truly what life is supposed to be...slowing down, taking a breath, turning off the cellphones and computers and really talking (and listening)....I am so thankful for this time!

It is not good for woman to be alone!

2008-09-12T13:19:00.002-04:00

O.K., my sweet man has been in Georgia all week fishing...a much needed reprieve for him! I was so excited about him going, not that I wanted to get rid of him, I just didn't want to cook for a week....I'll eat about anything that I can find laying around, he's a little more demanding when it comes to food. So anyway, I missed him terribly the first night he was gone and am thankful that he'll be home either today or tomorrow. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder and he is needed more than he'll ever know. I'm too much of a scatter brain without him. For instance, one time when he was away, I forgot that I left our dog in the crate for 12 hours! Last night, I was running bathwater...and as usual was doing way to many things at one time...more than an hour later, my son said, "Mom, is there some reason you left the water running in your bathroom?"....I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to find 3 inches of water on the floor (so much for those overflow drains on the tub)....It took 25 towels to sop the water up. Not even an hour later, I was again engrossed in something else when I smelled plastic burning....I ran into the kitchen. My daughter had left the teapot on the stove and forgot it. How blessed we were that nothing caught on fire. I told her that I am not allowed to run water and she is not allowed to operate the stove until her daddy comes home! Now....should I tell him or not...he may never leave home again if I do...

Sweet Memories....

2008-09-10T17:24:00.003-04:00

I am hiding from my daughter and drinking a cup of Taster's Choice instant coffee...I know it sounds crazy...I am hiding from her because I don't want her to see me tearful over a memory, she's sure to seek counseling for me if she does. The Taster's Choice coffee started this rabbit trail of memories. I have not drank this coffee since I left home nearly 25 years ago. Now, if you are a coffee connoisseur like I am, you would not opt for instant coffee. But, the other day as I was wondering the coffee isle at Walmart, there it was...Taster's Choice coffee. All of a sudden I was flooded with many fond memories of my mom and oldest brother, both now residing in heaven. I didn't linger on the memories at that time but picked up the coffee and placed it in my cart. My tea time (really my "coffee time") is every day between 2-3 p.m. Any of my co-workers will tell you that I start looking like a battery drained of it's power until I pause for "tea time" and then I get a second wind. So, today at "tea time", I decided to see if Taster's Choice Coffee was really what I remember. I fixed my cup of coffee and sat on my rocking chair on the porch to savor it....all of a sudden I was flooded again was those fond memories of mom and Buddy (my oldest brother), but this time I lingered on those memories. Mom and Buddy owned an Upholstery shop where they would get up and put in a half day's work before my teenage feet ever hit the ground. Then when it came time for us to get out of bed and get ready for school, mom and Buddy would meander from the shop to the house and start preparing breakfast. They would be savoring their coffee, Taster's Choice, black in a porcelain white coffee mug. It was always fixed the same and had to be in the white mug. (Buddy would not drink out of anything else...he felt styrofoam cups were toxic and now medical research tells us they are.) There was more wisdom poured out in words over that morning cup of coffee than I can remember but Oh! What I would give to share a cup of coffee with them again today...savor the coffee and savor their company. I love that the Lord gives us memories like these to cherish and savor...

If you need a good laugh.....

2008-09-05T21:42:00.002-04:00

If you want a good laugh, please go to my blog list on the right and click on the latest blog from "Rocks in my Dryer" about her recent purchase....my daughter just recently mentioned purchasing one of these....I laughed so hard and so will you!

God's Will versus my will...

2008-09-05T20:42:00.002-04:00

I recently applied for a job that I wasn't sure I wanted...but the circumstances that surrounded it made it quite appealing and motivated me to get up out of bed at 10:30 p.m. and apply online. Then I prayed....and prayed....and prayed. My prayer was simple. God makes it clear in His word that he doesn't need complex prayers. Our simple and honest prayers will work just fine. I was honest with God. I told Him that I wasn't even sure that I wanted this job but if He wanted me to have it, then I would take it. I've been around the block a few times and I know from experience that one can be a miserable soul when their will doesn't line up with God's. So, I sat and waited...went to my interview...and waited some more. I waited 7 weeks and didn't hear anything from the potential employer. At one point I told Mike that maybe I should call them....he questioned, "Why, if God wants you to have it, you'll hear from them"....A well meaning friend called at one point and told me that he would talk with an acquaintance and help me get the position if I desired. I told him that I only wanted the job if God gave it to me...he laughed and said, "But sometimes we have to help the Lord"....But...I knew different. I had accepted a job several years ago and convinced myself that it was God's will, knowing in my heart that it wasn't. Today I received my rejection letter...but I could accept it thankfully, knowing this was not where the Lord wanted me to be. I thank my God, that He can see the much bigger picture and I thank Him for helping me to be patient (a virtue that doesn't come easy for me) during this time.

How marvelous.....

2008-09-02T07:27:00.005-04:00

I marvel at the fact that God can use those things we choose outside His will to teach us. I marvel at the fact that we are constantly growing in our knowledge of Christ and never a "finished product" this side of heaven. I marvel at the fact that God cares about the little things....those things that doesn't matter to my children, husband, neighbor, co-worker...but He knows that it matters to me! I marvel that God hears our prayers and answers them in His time and in His way! I marvel that I can count on God to always love me, when the rest of the world doesn't. Today, in the aftermath of Hurricane Gustav, I marvel that my prayer and the prayers of the rest of His people matter and that the people of New Orleans were spared.

The Blessing of Family....

2008-08-30T10:41:00.003-04:00

There is nothing like getting together with family! Family gatherings seem to be a lost art these days. Several years ago, the women in my family made a pact to gather annually and call it the "Pinky reunion" in honor of an ancestor named Pinky who was best known for her strength and gentleness. Yesterday, we had a surprise visit from one of our younger "Pinky's", my great niece, Brittany. Pictured is Brittany, with her husband Larry, and their 5 month old son, Hunter. Hunter is the first "great-great" in my family and he is absolutely adorable. I caught myself on several occasions just staring at this beautiful young couple as they attended to their baby and laughed with one another. Incidentally, Brittany is going to bless us with another "great-great" in about 28 weeks, as she is 12 weeks pregnant. I believe family's need to slow down and just savor time together as often as possible....sit on the porch a "spell", talk about those long gone, play board games together, share a meal together. These are the things that really matter!

God in the "little" things.....

2008-08-27T08:35:00.002-04:00

Why am I ever amazed that God cares about the little things....His word tells us so and He has demonstrated this thru answered prayer so many times in my life. Yesterday was a very busy day at work. The patients that were assigned to me were in rooms next to each other...so I was blessed not to have to walk far, as I ran continuously from one room to the other all day. I was wearing a pair of earrings that my daughter gave me two years ago. The earrings probably only cost $35.00 but that was $35.00 more than she had at the time, nevertheless, she wanted me to have these earrings. At one point in my day, I looked in the mirror and noticed that one of my earrings were missing. I mentioned this to several staff members and housekeeping and asked them to be on the "lookout". I told God, "You know, it's just an earring, but my sweet daughter gave it to me and I sure would like to find it"....One of my patient's told me that she had found the back to an earring in her room, so at this point, I was sure it was located there. After I transferred this patient to another room, I went back to her old room and searched everything, including the trash cans and dirty laundry. Several hours later, I was preparing my second patient for transfer to another room when a "sparkle" caught my eye, next to her bathroom door....it was the earring. I shared with everyone I could how God even cares about those "little" things.